My husband and I will have our 5th anniversary this February. Quite a lot has happened in that time. Events over the past few months placed us facing the exact same choices that we faced us five years ago.
When we decided to get married one of the many decisions we had to make was one involving where we would live. Our choices were:
1. My family could move in with him. He was living in the same place he had with his ex-wife. The property was beautiful but a lot of work. The house was old and shabby. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to live with the memories involved.
2. He could move in with me. I had recently moved into an almost new place out in the country. I loved the house and really didn’t want to move my whole family again. The location wasn’t the best but no memories existed.
3. We could have found a new place but he was on the road and I worked two jobs. We weren’t that interested in looking.
We chose door #2. So, he moved in the newer house with my family. His parents moved into his place. Things didn’t work out there so we moved two months later to a completely different place. And then another place and another place and another place until we are now at the shabby little place on the farm!
The other choices facing us had to do with his job. His choices at the time were:
1. He could keep his own truck business contracting out as an owner-operator. This would have him home weekends.
2. He could park his old truck and drive for someone else doing long-haul. This would have him home never.
3. He could haul locally for one of the big food industries in our area. This would have him home every night.
4. He could get a non trucking related job.
We chose door #1. When that became impossible, we tried options #2 and #4. He is now doing #3.
We joke with our friends and family that it’s a good indication of how bad the last 5 years have been to make this house look damn good to me and that job look damn good to him. One friend’s take on it is that we took the scenic route to get here. And that is the point of my story.
At one time or another most of us do take the scenic route. It is usually much longer than the freeway. The roads are bumpy and rough. There are sharp curves to contend with. The speed limits are slower. You have to stop for pedestrians, dogs, balls, etc. You have to keep a lookout for speed traps and school zones. It can seem that you will never get there.
But along the road are views and experiences that can take your breath away. You meet people that you might never have met. You sample food that you might never have tried. You’ve learned things that you could only learn on the slow, scenic route. Eventually you reach your destination- pocket poor but experience rich. And I have begun to wonder if perhaps that was the real plan after all!
That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
Friday, October 29, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Global Warming
While driving along the highway a few days ago, I was passed by one of those tiny electric cars.( I have a least one son who is laughing right now at the thought of my going slow enough to be passed by a toy car as he calls them.) We’ll forget that part because what I want to ask that particular fossil fuel saver is, “Where did the electricity to charge your car come from?”
Here in my neck of the woods, there is a variety of electricity generating methods. There is a nuclear plant, a coal fired plant, dams and windmills. Now if you are like me ,you would think that the “green” people of the world would definitely chose wind and water generated electricity, wouldn’t you? Both of those sources being natural, of course, would make them preferable.
This is not so. The greenies oppose dams and windmills. That’s right. I said oppose. If I understand the arguments correctly they go something like this. The dams are detrimental to the fish and other aquatic species. The windmills, however, are ugly. They block views and need large power lines to transport the wind generated electricity.
Hmmmmmm…… So again, I ask that car driver, where does YOUR electricity come from?
A few years ago, my husband and I were listening to a report on a global warming protest in Washington,D.C. It was early spring and a surprise snowstorm had taken place during the protest. This fact didn’t change any minds according to reports. I looked at Brent and said, “I bet they were very glad to get to their warm motel rooms and order Starbucks.”
Now, reading this you may assume I’m against the green movement. That is not true. I AM against hypocrisy, though. Back in the 70’s there were many who were green but they put their money where their mouth was, so to speak. They lived without electricity, running water and other fuel consuming devices. They heated and cooked with woodstoves, went to the bathroom in an outhouse, used homemade candles, etc. I knew people like this. They lived their convictions.
I don’t see much of that today. Instead, I see a number of people who want to complain about existing problems but don’t like any of the solutions and will not come up with viable solutions of their own. In fact, what I see is a bunch of 2 yr. olds throwing temper tantrums because they don’t want to decide between chocolate or vanilla ice cream. They want both. When that is not possible, they get angry and want neither.
If they really want to be impressive, they should go back to horse and buggies or better yet, Fred Flinstone cars. That would solve another national dilemma, the increase in the morbid obesity rate. In the meantime, stop with all the hot air- there’s a global warming problem, you know.
That’s the view from my side of the street today, what’s yours?
Here in my neck of the woods, there is a variety of electricity generating methods. There is a nuclear plant, a coal fired plant, dams and windmills. Now if you are like me ,you would think that the “green” people of the world would definitely chose wind and water generated electricity, wouldn’t you? Both of those sources being natural, of course, would make them preferable.
This is not so. The greenies oppose dams and windmills. That’s right. I said oppose. If I understand the arguments correctly they go something like this. The dams are detrimental to the fish and other aquatic species. The windmills, however, are ugly. They block views and need large power lines to transport the wind generated electricity.
Hmmmmmm…… So again, I ask that car driver, where does YOUR electricity come from?
A few years ago, my husband and I were listening to a report on a global warming protest in Washington,D.C. It was early spring and a surprise snowstorm had taken place during the protest. This fact didn’t change any minds according to reports. I looked at Brent and said, “I bet they were very glad to get to their warm motel rooms and order Starbucks.”
Now, reading this you may assume I’m against the green movement. That is not true. I AM against hypocrisy, though. Back in the 70’s there were many who were green but they put their money where their mouth was, so to speak. They lived without electricity, running water and other fuel consuming devices. They heated and cooked with woodstoves, went to the bathroom in an outhouse, used homemade candles, etc. I knew people like this. They lived their convictions.
I don’t see much of that today. Instead, I see a number of people who want to complain about existing problems but don’t like any of the solutions and will not come up with viable solutions of their own. In fact, what I see is a bunch of 2 yr. olds throwing temper tantrums because they don’t want to decide between chocolate or vanilla ice cream. They want both. When that is not possible, they get angry and want neither.
If they really want to be impressive, they should go back to horse and buggies or better yet, Fred Flinstone cars. That would solve another national dilemma, the increase in the morbid obesity rate. In the meantime, stop with all the hot air- there’s a global warming problem, you know.
That’s the view from my side of the street today, what’s yours?
Monday, October 25, 2010
Grief Work
I did a twelve hour road trip this past week. I listened to country radio stations the entire trip. This was a huge thing for me not because I don’t like country but because I do. Let me explain that a little.
About 4 and ½ years ago, my world disintegrated! It had been crumbling for a few years but in one day it blew apart scattering pieces everywhere. I was devastated. As if that wasn’t enough to deal with, the aftershocks continued for quite awhile. To be perfectly honest, they haven’t stopped yet. I don’t know if they ever will.
I think I cried every day for a year. The second year it might have been every other day. Most country songs made me sob. I couldn’t listen to them. Some hymns did the same thing. There were other types of music that were unbearable. I avoided public places because I would hear certain songs and fall apart.
It was about then that I gave up TV because I could no longer watch the shows I had before. Many of my favorite activities became unbearable. I couldn’t sing or dance, things I used to do while mopping floors or playing with my children.
This is all part of the grieving process and I realize that I am not unique. So many of us have had to bear grief so overwhelming that we aren’t sure we would ever feel anything but inner pain again. And that is why I am sharing this today because at some point it does stop hurting quite so bad.
You will breathe normal again. There will be moments when you aren’t thinking about it. You will once again be able to see the beauty all around you. You will be able to go on. You will realize one day that you haven’t cried for a week. That you actually smiled without forcing yourself too.
And you will be stronger for surviving! Remember that old saying, “That which does not kill us makes us stronger”! I have found that when the worst things you can think of happen, it really makes everything else seem so trivial, so bearable. You have become a survivor and no one can take that away from you.
Then one day, the sun is shining, the world looks wonderful and you catch yourself singing loudly to the country music station on the car radio as you bebop down the road. And it takes you a few minutes to recognize that peculiar feeling you have. Its happiness and boy, have you earned it, baby!
That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
About 4 and ½ years ago, my world disintegrated! It had been crumbling for a few years but in one day it blew apart scattering pieces everywhere. I was devastated. As if that wasn’t enough to deal with, the aftershocks continued for quite awhile. To be perfectly honest, they haven’t stopped yet. I don’t know if they ever will.
I think I cried every day for a year. The second year it might have been every other day. Most country songs made me sob. I couldn’t listen to them. Some hymns did the same thing. There were other types of music that were unbearable. I avoided public places because I would hear certain songs and fall apart.
It was about then that I gave up TV because I could no longer watch the shows I had before. Many of my favorite activities became unbearable. I couldn’t sing or dance, things I used to do while mopping floors or playing with my children.
This is all part of the grieving process and I realize that I am not unique. So many of us have had to bear grief so overwhelming that we aren’t sure we would ever feel anything but inner pain again. And that is why I am sharing this today because at some point it does stop hurting quite so bad.
You will breathe normal again. There will be moments when you aren’t thinking about it. You will once again be able to see the beauty all around you. You will be able to go on. You will realize one day that you haven’t cried for a week. That you actually smiled without forcing yourself too.
And you will be stronger for surviving! Remember that old saying, “That which does not kill us makes us stronger”! I have found that when the worst things you can think of happen, it really makes everything else seem so trivial, so bearable. You have become a survivor and no one can take that away from you.
Then one day, the sun is shining, the world looks wonderful and you catch yourself singing loudly to the country music station on the car radio as you bebop down the road. And it takes you a few minutes to recognize that peculiar feeling you have. Its happiness and boy, have you earned it, baby!
That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
Friday, October 22, 2010
Underdogs
This story is true. It was told to me by a friend. She and her husband were both witnesses to the event. I personally know them to be trustworthy and believable. I want to make sure this point is perfectly clear before I tell the story.
It happened on a beautiful fall afternoon. While sitting in their living room watching a glorious sunset, they noticed their big, black cat walking slowly to the sliding glass door. It dropped what appeared to be a dead mouse on to the patio. The cat stretched out lazily beside the tiny mound of gray fur.
Within a few seconds, they realized that it was a mouse but it was anything but dead. It jumped up, turned to face the cat and stood on its hind legs. Its arms were boxing towards the cat’s nose in a “want a piece of me?” type move. The cat and couple all stared unsure of what they were seeing!
The tiny mouse jumped at the cat’s head in an attempt to bite. Due to the amount of hair on the cat’s face, the mouse was unable to penetrate the skin. It slid down the cat’s face and upon landing assumed its boxing stance again, pummeling the air with its fists.
By now, the cat wisely chose to walk away. The mouse watched until the cat had turned around the corner of the house. Only then did it run away with its tail raised in triumph.
We love underdogs. They can be teams, countries, people or racehorses. They can even come in the form of a small rodent. I’ve thought about why we feel this way. One reason is probably because at one time or another we have thought ourselves to be an underdog. Most of us have taken on something that was bigger than us maybe a job, a new family, an illness. Challenges come in many different shapes.
We admire the courage it takes to fight any battle but it takes a different kind of courage to fight when we know we are already licked. Those are the stories we love to hear about, people who took on the system or cancer or addiction or abusive backgrounds, etc. We want to know that the impossible IS possible.
And sometimes it is- Cinderella went to the ball, Secretariat won the triple crown, David beat Goliath, and a small mouse took on the cat and lived.
That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
It happened on a beautiful fall afternoon. While sitting in their living room watching a glorious sunset, they noticed their big, black cat walking slowly to the sliding glass door. It dropped what appeared to be a dead mouse on to the patio. The cat stretched out lazily beside the tiny mound of gray fur.
Within a few seconds, they realized that it was a mouse but it was anything but dead. It jumped up, turned to face the cat and stood on its hind legs. Its arms were boxing towards the cat’s nose in a “want a piece of me?” type move. The cat and couple all stared unsure of what they were seeing!
The tiny mouse jumped at the cat’s head in an attempt to bite. Due to the amount of hair on the cat’s face, the mouse was unable to penetrate the skin. It slid down the cat’s face and upon landing assumed its boxing stance again, pummeling the air with its fists.
By now, the cat wisely chose to walk away. The mouse watched until the cat had turned around the corner of the house. Only then did it run away with its tail raised in triumph.
We love underdogs. They can be teams, countries, people or racehorses. They can even come in the form of a small rodent. I’ve thought about why we feel this way. One reason is probably because at one time or another we have thought ourselves to be an underdog. Most of us have taken on something that was bigger than us maybe a job, a new family, an illness. Challenges come in many different shapes.
We admire the courage it takes to fight any battle but it takes a different kind of courage to fight when we know we are already licked. Those are the stories we love to hear about, people who took on the system or cancer or addiction or abusive backgrounds, etc. We want to know that the impossible IS possible.
And sometimes it is- Cinderella went to the ball, Secretariat won the triple crown, David beat Goliath, and a small mouse took on the cat and lived.
That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Loanshark China?
China raises interest rates and our stock market takes a plunge. Why does such a decision in China have such an effect on us? I’m no expert. As a matter of fact, I’m just a homemaker but as I understand it, China is the United States biggest financial backer. In other words, the US owes big time money to the Chinese government.
What I don’t understand is why more people aren’t concerned about this! The last time I checked, China was still under communist rule. I thought we were against communistic policies. Our budget has created such a deficit that we had to get the money somewhere so when China offered we accepted, hook, line, and sinker.
The image of a loan shark and his thugs come to my mind. You know the scene. Some poor slob gets in over his head with gambling debt. In desperation, he turns to loan shark Louie. They call them sharks for a reason- the whole set up is predatory in nature. The poor slob has sold his soul. It is almost impossible to get out of the game. He will keep owing more until they break his legs or kill him.
We, the United States, are the poor slob. I have a real problem with that! We are supposed to be a super power, able to hold our heads up anywhere. How can we do this when we have sold our financial soul to China? We will continue to owe more and more until they break our legs or kill us.
Didn’t there used to be a saying that he who ruled the purse strings ruled the nation? Indebted to another nation beggars the question of who really is in charge.
We mustn’t forget our ancient history. China was a super power centuries before anyone even knew there was an America. Thousands of years ago, they were a leading civilization in innovations and warfare. Conquering other countries was almost a pastime for them. They believed themselves to be superior to all other nations and people. They still do.
As stated, I am not a political mastermind. I don’t know how this all happened but I suspect it was one justified choice after another on the part of our politicians. They are the ones who should know better. But maybe they are too close to the situation to see clearly.
Here’s an interesting fact-do you know that if you put a frog into hot water, he will jump out immediately. However, if you put the frog in cold water and slowly turn up the heat, he will sit in the pan and boil to death.
I think many of our country’s leaders are slowly boiling to death. My hope is that there are enough of us out there jumping out of the hot water to effect a change before the loan shark’s thugs are put in action.
That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
What I don’t understand is why more people aren’t concerned about this! The last time I checked, China was still under communist rule. I thought we were against communistic policies. Our budget has created such a deficit that we had to get the money somewhere so when China offered we accepted, hook, line, and sinker.
The image of a loan shark and his thugs come to my mind. You know the scene. Some poor slob gets in over his head with gambling debt. In desperation, he turns to loan shark Louie. They call them sharks for a reason- the whole set up is predatory in nature. The poor slob has sold his soul. It is almost impossible to get out of the game. He will keep owing more until they break his legs or kill him.
We, the United States, are the poor slob. I have a real problem with that! We are supposed to be a super power, able to hold our heads up anywhere. How can we do this when we have sold our financial soul to China? We will continue to owe more and more until they break our legs or kill us.
Didn’t there used to be a saying that he who ruled the purse strings ruled the nation? Indebted to another nation beggars the question of who really is in charge.
We mustn’t forget our ancient history. China was a super power centuries before anyone even knew there was an America. Thousands of years ago, they were a leading civilization in innovations and warfare. Conquering other countries was almost a pastime for them. They believed themselves to be superior to all other nations and people. They still do.
As stated, I am not a political mastermind. I don’t know how this all happened but I suspect it was one justified choice after another on the part of our politicians. They are the ones who should know better. But maybe they are too close to the situation to see clearly.
Here’s an interesting fact-do you know that if you put a frog into hot water, he will jump out immediately. However, if you put the frog in cold water and slowly turn up the heat, he will sit in the pan and boil to death.
I think many of our country’s leaders are slowly boiling to death. My hope is that there are enough of us out there jumping out of the hot water to effect a change before the loan shark’s thugs are put in action.
That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Being Unemployed
I am collecting unemployment benefits for the first, and I hope, the last time of my life. How I arrived here is a long and confusing story. I will not tell it here. The fact is I am one of the statistics we hear about regularly on the news. It is an almost unbelievable journey.
I read recently that losing a job is ranked #3 on the list of major stress indicators. It is preceded only by the death of a child and divorce. Wow! As if we didn’t all feel bad enough already! When you lose a job you deal with the following issues: rejection, loss of income, loss of benefits, (all of a sudden, you have no insurance or money to pay for your medication), loss of identity, loss of a social support (you might not like all your co-workers but they have been a big part of your life everyday), loss of structure (suddenly all your days are like Saturdays- no time clock to punch), the list goes on and on.
And if this isn’t enough to make you postal, you are now dealing with the inanity of the Unemployment Department bureaucracy! In our state, when we sign up for UE benefits we must also sign up on a job skills matching website. The webpage has a number of categories to click on. Each click brings up a list of skills. You check each skill that you have. Now, while I don’t have a long work history, I do have a lifetime of learned skills. I breezed through the lists and was left feeling pretty good about what I have to offer.
That is until I had my required meeting with my UE job coach. She efficiently brought up my skill list on her computer and asked me about each one. This is what I found out:
The fact that I have served in my church for over 30 yrs. In positions such as PR, daily teacher, leader of several organizations, have organized weddings, funerals, church functions of all kinds, have given regular care to shut ins, new moms, etc. (the list is endless) does not count one iota because I was never paid for it. She pressed a button and wiped it out.
The fact that I helped run my husband’s trucking company including keeping the books and paying bills- click- erased. Again ,it did not count because I was not paid.
I have remodeled countless homes. I even built one with my ex. All the measuring, sawing, hammering, painting, papering, decorating, landscaping, etc. she made it disappear with that now dreaded click!
Here is the clincher- the fact that I raised 9 children including the fact that I homeschooled them for a number of years does NOT in any way, shape, or form, qualify me to work in the childcare business!!
In essence, my entire life just doesn’t count for anything. She clicked it away with her mouse.
I am qualified, however, to work in a cleaning position based on the fact that I had my own cleaning business for 3 yrs. Here’s where it really gets me- they have not asked for any proof of this fact. I could have made it up for all they know!
Too bad I didn’t know this- I could be interviewing for my dream job if only I had said, well, of course, I was paid. That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
I read recently that losing a job is ranked #3 on the list of major stress indicators. It is preceded only by the death of a child and divorce. Wow! As if we didn’t all feel bad enough already! When you lose a job you deal with the following issues: rejection, loss of income, loss of benefits, (all of a sudden, you have no insurance or money to pay for your medication), loss of identity, loss of a social support (you might not like all your co-workers but they have been a big part of your life everyday), loss of structure (suddenly all your days are like Saturdays- no time clock to punch), the list goes on and on.
And if this isn’t enough to make you postal, you are now dealing with the inanity of the Unemployment Department bureaucracy! In our state, when we sign up for UE benefits we must also sign up on a job skills matching website. The webpage has a number of categories to click on. Each click brings up a list of skills. You check each skill that you have. Now, while I don’t have a long work history, I do have a lifetime of learned skills. I breezed through the lists and was left feeling pretty good about what I have to offer.
That is until I had my required meeting with my UE job coach. She efficiently brought up my skill list on her computer and asked me about each one. This is what I found out:
The fact that I have served in my church for over 30 yrs. In positions such as PR, daily teacher, leader of several organizations, have organized weddings, funerals, church functions of all kinds, have given regular care to shut ins, new moms, etc. (the list is endless) does not count one iota because I was never paid for it. She pressed a button and wiped it out.
The fact that I helped run my husband’s trucking company including keeping the books and paying bills- click- erased. Again ,it did not count because I was not paid.
I have remodeled countless homes. I even built one with my ex. All the measuring, sawing, hammering, painting, papering, decorating, landscaping, etc. she made it disappear with that now dreaded click!
Here is the clincher- the fact that I raised 9 children including the fact that I homeschooled them for a number of years does NOT in any way, shape, or form, qualify me to work in the childcare business!!
In essence, my entire life just doesn’t count for anything. She clicked it away with her mouse.
I am qualified, however, to work in a cleaning position based on the fact that I had my own cleaning business for 3 yrs. Here’s where it really gets me- they have not asked for any proof of this fact. I could have made it up for all they know!
Too bad I didn’t know this- I could be interviewing for my dream job if only I had said, well, of course, I was paid. That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
Friday, October 15, 2010
Ripples
My husband is a truck driver. A few years ago I traveled with him for almost a year. As you can imagine, being together 24/7 in a truck cab about the size of a large walk in closet created some interesting situations. We had to do some major creative problem solving to keep from killing each other. We couldn’t walk in to the next room or take a walk or any of the things we had done before when upset.
One week he had been temperamental for at least three days. Everything I said or did annoyed him. Finally tired of it I asked him what the matter was. He snapped back that he was tired and hungry. My response was immediate. “Oh, I guess I missed that memo.”
He stared at me, “What are you TALKING about?”
“You know, that memo, the one from God that states its O.K. to be rotten to people when we’re hungry or tired. Thanks for letting me know. That will make my life so much easier from now on.”He looked sheepish and started being nicer immediately.
Now, I’m not sharing this to snitch on my husband although that is a perk! I’m sharing this because there are so many of us that think being nice to people is an option. If we are hungry, tired, busy, in a hurry, upset, hurting or any number of things that cause us to be having a bad day it’s okay to be mean.
Okay, we aren’t perfect. There are times when we are feeling down for what ever reason. I get that. But if we can’t be pleasant, can’t we at least NOT be rotten to those around us? What gives us the right to dump our “miserable” on someone else’s lap? Have we all forgotten the “do on to others as you would have others do on to you”?
Have you ever dropped a rock in a body of water and seen the ripples? They start small and get bigger and bigger and bigger. When we drop our pebble of “miserable” in we make those around us miserable and they make the people around them that way and so on and so forth.
This works the other way too. We can make ripples of happiness by dropping our “nice” pebbles in the puddle. If you don’t believe me, try this experiment. Pick a day and during that day make eye contact with everyone that you come in contact with and smile. That’s it. Look in their eyes and smile at them. Do this to people you pass on the sidewalk or in a store or even at your job. I think you’ll be really amazed at the things that will happen.
After all, we are all taking this human journey together, aren’t we? It seems to me that being nice to each other is the least we can do. That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
One week he had been temperamental for at least three days. Everything I said or did annoyed him. Finally tired of it I asked him what the matter was. He snapped back that he was tired and hungry. My response was immediate. “Oh, I guess I missed that memo.”
He stared at me, “What are you TALKING about?”
“You know, that memo, the one from God that states its O.K. to be rotten to people when we’re hungry or tired. Thanks for letting me know. That will make my life so much easier from now on.”He looked sheepish and started being nicer immediately.
Now, I’m not sharing this to snitch on my husband although that is a perk! I’m sharing this because there are so many of us that think being nice to people is an option. If we are hungry, tired, busy, in a hurry, upset, hurting or any number of things that cause us to be having a bad day it’s okay to be mean.
Okay, we aren’t perfect. There are times when we are feeling down for what ever reason. I get that. But if we can’t be pleasant, can’t we at least NOT be rotten to those around us? What gives us the right to dump our “miserable” on someone else’s lap? Have we all forgotten the “do on to others as you would have others do on to you”?
Have you ever dropped a rock in a body of water and seen the ripples? They start small and get bigger and bigger and bigger. When we drop our pebble of “miserable” in we make those around us miserable and they make the people around them that way and so on and so forth.
This works the other way too. We can make ripples of happiness by dropping our “nice” pebbles in the puddle. If you don’t believe me, try this experiment. Pick a day and during that day make eye contact with everyone that you come in contact with and smile. That’s it. Look in their eyes and smile at them. Do this to people you pass on the sidewalk or in a store or even at your job. I think you’ll be really amazed at the things that will happen.
After all, we are all taking this human journey together, aren’t we? It seems to me that being nice to each other is the least we can do. That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Perspectives
We had just completed one of our many moves. It had been an unexpected and unwelcomed move. I was tired, sad and feeling very displaced. I was trying not to let these feelings get to much hold on me. I’m pretty good at pity parties and I just didn’t want to go there.
The new house, town and neighborhood weren’t what we were used to. I felt poor and was embarrassed by our circumstances. I began pulling away from family and friends without really noticing. Then I received a gift from heaven in the shape of a small boy.
My children had been making friends with the children next door. One day, they asked my permission to bring them in. I hesitated and asked them to play out doors. “But, Mom, they really want to see the house.” I gave the okay.
The family had five children ranging in ages between twelve and one. They were Hispanic. Their English skills varied. The youngest two only spoke Spanish. My children gave them the tour. It ended in the kitchen where I was pouring milk to go with the cookies I had made earlier. Cookies overcome any language barrier!
They entered the kitchen as one would enter a great cathedral. Eyes widened in awe, voices lowered to whispers, steps hesitantly on the floor as I invited them to sit down. They spoke in their native tongue and although I don’t understand Spanish it was clear that they wanted the oldest to ask me something. I encouraged her to ask. “This house is very big. Does just your family live here?” I answered yes.
The next question, “Who owns all those books in that room?” I assured them that we did. “Are you a library?” I do have a lot of books but I am not a library. I did invite them to borrow them.
Now, they all were asking questions one tumbling after another. “How many bedrooms do you have?” “How many TV’s do you have?” “Is that your own computer?” And then the biggest question of all from the little 6yr. old boy- “Are you rich?” There was complete silence as they waited for the answer. I looked around at my home without the sad, displaced eyes that had only been seeing what we had left behind but now with eyes these children had helped to open. These eyes saw what we still had. I smiled at him with eyes now filled with tears of gratitude and answered his question.
“Yes, dear, we are rich.” Rich or poor, healthy or sick, busy or bored, etc. are some of the many things in life that are determined by our perspective.
Do you know what the snail said when he was riding on the snail’s back? -----------“WHEEEEEEEEE!”
That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
The new house, town and neighborhood weren’t what we were used to. I felt poor and was embarrassed by our circumstances. I began pulling away from family and friends without really noticing. Then I received a gift from heaven in the shape of a small boy.
My children had been making friends with the children next door. One day, they asked my permission to bring them in. I hesitated and asked them to play out doors. “But, Mom, they really want to see the house.” I gave the okay.
The family had five children ranging in ages between twelve and one. They were Hispanic. Their English skills varied. The youngest two only spoke Spanish. My children gave them the tour. It ended in the kitchen where I was pouring milk to go with the cookies I had made earlier. Cookies overcome any language barrier!
They entered the kitchen as one would enter a great cathedral. Eyes widened in awe, voices lowered to whispers, steps hesitantly on the floor as I invited them to sit down. They spoke in their native tongue and although I don’t understand Spanish it was clear that they wanted the oldest to ask me something. I encouraged her to ask. “This house is very big. Does just your family live here?” I answered yes.
The next question, “Who owns all those books in that room?” I assured them that we did. “Are you a library?” I do have a lot of books but I am not a library. I did invite them to borrow them.
Now, they all were asking questions one tumbling after another. “How many bedrooms do you have?” “How many TV’s do you have?” “Is that your own computer?” And then the biggest question of all from the little 6yr. old boy- “Are you rich?” There was complete silence as they waited for the answer. I looked around at my home without the sad, displaced eyes that had only been seeing what we had left behind but now with eyes these children had helped to open. These eyes saw what we still had. I smiled at him with eyes now filled with tears of gratitude and answered his question.
“Yes, dear, we are rich.” Rich or poor, healthy or sick, busy or bored, etc. are some of the many things in life that are determined by our perspective.
Do you know what the snail said when he was riding on the snail’s back? -----------“WHEEEEEEEEE!”
That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
Sunday, October 10, 2010
The Constitution
I found a book this summer. It’s what is commonly referred to as a “coffee table” book. That means that it is large and colorful. It is approximately 11x 15 and the illustrations are amazing. The print is also large. It is a flowing Old English type of script. It is indeed a beautiful book. It looks much like a child’s book.
It reads as easily as a child’s book. The large print, the beautiful pictures and the simple text make it enjoyable to read as well as look at. The title of this book is “The Constitution of the United States of America”. It has the entire Constitution including Amendments. When was the last time you read the Constitution? I recommend that you get your hands on it and read it soon. It is simple enough for even a child to understand. It is plain enough to be beautiful.
The first page of this book has a picture of a backbone. It states “This is a backbone. Man cannot stand erect without one. Neither can a country. The backbone of the United States of America is her Constitution.”
The next page has the simple, beautiful words: “We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.” How perfect those words are!
Many of the Articles and Amendments are only a few sentences long. There are four amendments that state clearly who has the right to vote. Amendment XV states that you may vote regardless of “race, color, or previous condition of servitude.”
Amendment XIX states that the right to vote “shall not be denied…on account of sex”. Amendment XXIV declares that the right to vote cannot be denied to people because they have not paid taxes. And Amendment XXVI gives the right to vote to citizens “who are 18 years or older”.
Politicians would have us think that understanding the laws is too difficult for most of us. They would have us think that we shouldn’t worry our small little brains with the running of the government. We ourselves may convince ourselves that we can’t do anything to change the way things are done.
I would say to you -read the Constitution. IT IS SIMPLE. I would say to you that it is not the Constitution alone that is our country’s backbone but also, the people willing to stand by it. Election Day is in a few weeks. Exercise your right to vote, it DOES make a difference. Let the people in Washington know there are people willing to stand by the Constitution and abide by its simple concepts.
That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
It reads as easily as a child’s book. The large print, the beautiful pictures and the simple text make it enjoyable to read as well as look at. The title of this book is “The Constitution of the United States of America”. It has the entire Constitution including Amendments. When was the last time you read the Constitution? I recommend that you get your hands on it and read it soon. It is simple enough for even a child to understand. It is plain enough to be beautiful.
The first page of this book has a picture of a backbone. It states “This is a backbone. Man cannot stand erect without one. Neither can a country. The backbone of the United States of America is her Constitution.”
The next page has the simple, beautiful words: “We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.” How perfect those words are!
Many of the Articles and Amendments are only a few sentences long. There are four amendments that state clearly who has the right to vote. Amendment XV states that you may vote regardless of “race, color, or previous condition of servitude.”
Amendment XIX states that the right to vote “shall not be denied…on account of sex”. Amendment XXIV declares that the right to vote cannot be denied to people because they have not paid taxes. And Amendment XXVI gives the right to vote to citizens “who are 18 years or older”.
Politicians would have us think that understanding the laws is too difficult for most of us. They would have us think that we shouldn’t worry our small little brains with the running of the government. We ourselves may convince ourselves that we can’t do anything to change the way things are done.
I would say to you -read the Constitution. IT IS SIMPLE. I would say to you that it is not the Constitution alone that is our country’s backbone but also, the people willing to stand by it. Election Day is in a few weeks. Exercise your right to vote, it DOES make a difference. Let the people in Washington know there are people willing to stand by the Constitution and abide by its simple concepts.
That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
Friday, October 8, 2010
Teenagers
I just heard the greatest line- “Here, take my advice, I’m not using it!” I love it!! Anyway, the best advice I ever received as a parent of teens was the following: “Parents are the teething ring that teenagers cut their adult teeth on.” This incredible bit of wisdom came from an old Readers Digest. I memorized it.
There were times when I chanted it under my breath, “parents are the teething ring that teenagers cut their adult teeth on, parents are the teething ring……..”
If you don’t have teenagers right now, this will probably mean nothing to you but trust me it will someday! So print this and put it somewhere safe to take out and read later.
If you are the parent of a teenager right now, you may be curled up in the fetal position, groaning with pain “Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch!” Because being a teething ring HURTS! Being a parent of a teenager HURTS!
But those of us that have had babies know how important it is to that baby to have something to chew and chew and chew on to help those teeth cut through. Heck, those of us who have had puppies know the same thing. We also know that if we don’t provide puppies with something to chew on the results can be disastrous especially to Great Grandma’s table leg! Something to chew on is essential if you are a baby, puppy or a teen.
One wise mother’s response to my quote was, “We really wouldn’t want them to go to someone else to chew on.” No, I don’t think we do. Teeth can come in crooked if the wrong things are chewed on.
Another mother’s response, “I guess my heart must look like the old teething ring- plenty of teeth marks but now that mine are all adults, I can honestly say that every mark was worth it.”
I love the quote because being a teething ring does hurt but chewing is so very essential for those “adult” teeth to come in straight and true. I also know that the teeth come through and the chewing stops and the pain forgotten.
That’s the view from my side of the street , what’s yours?
There were times when I chanted it under my breath, “parents are the teething ring that teenagers cut their adult teeth on, parents are the teething ring……..”
If you don’t have teenagers right now, this will probably mean nothing to you but trust me it will someday! So print this and put it somewhere safe to take out and read later.
If you are the parent of a teenager right now, you may be curled up in the fetal position, groaning with pain “Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch!” Because being a teething ring HURTS! Being a parent of a teenager HURTS!
But those of us that have had babies know how important it is to that baby to have something to chew and chew and chew on to help those teeth cut through. Heck, those of us who have had puppies know the same thing. We also know that if we don’t provide puppies with something to chew on the results can be disastrous especially to Great Grandma’s table leg! Something to chew on is essential if you are a baby, puppy or a teen.
One wise mother’s response to my quote was, “We really wouldn’t want them to go to someone else to chew on.” No, I don’t think we do. Teeth can come in crooked if the wrong things are chewed on.
Another mother’s response, “I guess my heart must look like the old teething ring- plenty of teeth marks but now that mine are all adults, I can honestly say that every mark was worth it.”
I love the quote because being a teething ring does hurt but chewing is so very essential for those “adult” teeth to come in straight and true. I also know that the teeth come through and the chewing stops and the pain forgotten.
That’s the view from my side of the street , what’s yours?
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Communication
We have an amusing family story about my newly wed grandparents. Wanting to be the best wife ever, my very young grandmother had asked her husband about his favorite foods. Chocolate cake was his all time favorite dessert. So, she began making chocolate cakes. For weeks she made every kind of chocolate cake known to man. He ate them but never with the gusto she expected. Finally, sick to death of chocolate cakes, she made a yellow cake with chocolate frosting. She placed it on the table unprepared for his response. “Oh, honey, you made my favorite-chocolate cake!”
When Brent and I were married, we had some similar experiences. I am a New England woman. I cook good old fashioned New England food. My husband is a complete Westerner. He is a meat and potatoes kind of guy. We had been together for a few months when he made a face after taking his first bite of my famous baked beans. “Why do you keep putting sugar in the beans?” he complained.
The entire family stared at him in shocked silence! “How else would I make them?” was my reply. He proceeded to tell me how to make “western beans”. The next time I made beans, I followed his recipe. My kids took one bite and complained, “These taste funny, Mom. Where is the sugar?”
There have been a number of foods that we use the same name for but cook differently. I finally came up with a bit of a solution. Now, the conversation goes something like this, “What do you want for dinner tonight, dear?” I’ll ask.
“Tacos” is the reply.
“What do tacos look like to you?” I ask. He responds and we are on the same page.
I’ve come to apply this in other areas of communication. “I’m going to work in the yard on Saturday.” He will state. Since his idea of yard work and mine differ, I’ll ask him what the job looks like to him. There we are, on the same page again.
I’ve begun noticing that many situations that arise with people outside the home are caused by the same assumption. We think that we are talking about the same things when in reality we all come from such different backgrounds that we may really be talking apples and oranges.
Last week, I was on the phone with a client who wanted me to clean her empty apartment. During the conversation she asked, “How handy are you?”
My reply was, “I’m right here in town.” It took a few minutes to realize that she was referring to my fix-it skills not my close proximity! And it got me wondering how many misunderstandings could be avoided if we patiently asked the question, “What does that look like to you?” instead of getting angry and thinking people are stupid.
That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
When Brent and I were married, we had some similar experiences. I am a New England woman. I cook good old fashioned New England food. My husband is a complete Westerner. He is a meat and potatoes kind of guy. We had been together for a few months when he made a face after taking his first bite of my famous baked beans. “Why do you keep putting sugar in the beans?” he complained.
The entire family stared at him in shocked silence! “How else would I make them?” was my reply. He proceeded to tell me how to make “western beans”. The next time I made beans, I followed his recipe. My kids took one bite and complained, “These taste funny, Mom. Where is the sugar?”
There have been a number of foods that we use the same name for but cook differently. I finally came up with a bit of a solution. Now, the conversation goes something like this, “What do you want for dinner tonight, dear?” I’ll ask.
“Tacos” is the reply.
“What do tacos look like to you?” I ask. He responds and we are on the same page.
I’ve come to apply this in other areas of communication. “I’m going to work in the yard on Saturday.” He will state. Since his idea of yard work and mine differ, I’ll ask him what the job looks like to him. There we are, on the same page again.
I’ve begun noticing that many situations that arise with people outside the home are caused by the same assumption. We think that we are talking about the same things when in reality we all come from such different backgrounds that we may really be talking apples and oranges.
Last week, I was on the phone with a client who wanted me to clean her empty apartment. During the conversation she asked, “How handy are you?”
My reply was, “I’m right here in town.” It took a few minutes to realize that she was referring to my fix-it skills not my close proximity! And it got me wondering how many misunderstandings could be avoided if we patiently asked the question, “What does that look like to you?” instead of getting angry and thinking people are stupid.
That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
Monday, October 4, 2010
Moving Mountains
The Bible tells us that if we have enough faith we can move mountains. I think that many of us envision a magical poof and the mountain is gone. After all, God can do anything, can’t He? We look at ourselves critically believing that we don’t have enough faith to move an anthill never mind a mountain. And who wants to move a stupid mountain anyway?
I see mountains being moved everyday in the lives of those around me. I see mountains being moved in the world around me. I see mountains being moved in my life. The mountains I see being moved are moving slowly. Sometimes only a shovel full of dirt at a time gets moved. Sometimes a huge machine swoops up its share. Sometimes, friends and family bring their shovels and help.
Moving a mountain is hard work and can seem almost impossible at times. We get overwhelmed as the daunting task looms over us. Yet, with our bit of faith we plod on, shovel full by heavy shovel full. It may take us a lifetime to accomplish but we persevere having the faith to believe that someday the mountain will be gone.
The mountains I see being moved are the mountains of addiction, mental illness, hatred, prejudice, poverty, abuse, violence, insecurity, handicap, ignorance, divorce, the list is long indeed. ALMOST ALL OF US HAVE A MOUNTAIN IN OUR OWN LIFE THAT WE ARE TRYING TO MOVE.
All of us know someone who is working hard on their mountain removal. We try to help each other all we can but the fact remains that most of the shoveling must be done by the person whose mountain it is. We can help one another but it is only as we struggle and sweat over our own digging that we call out for help from above. It is then that our faith as well as our backs are strengthened.
I don’t know about you but I think that it takes much more faith to remove our mountains one shovel full at a time. The “poof, there it goes”, idea might be appealing but it would be to tempting to let the mountain grow again. The struggle to remove the mountain bit by bit gives us the calluses that remind us of the work we did and don’t want to do again.
That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
I see mountains being moved everyday in the lives of those around me. I see mountains being moved in the world around me. I see mountains being moved in my life. The mountains I see being moved are moving slowly. Sometimes only a shovel full of dirt at a time gets moved. Sometimes a huge machine swoops up its share. Sometimes, friends and family bring their shovels and help.
Moving a mountain is hard work and can seem almost impossible at times. We get overwhelmed as the daunting task looms over us. Yet, with our bit of faith we plod on, shovel full by heavy shovel full. It may take us a lifetime to accomplish but we persevere having the faith to believe that someday the mountain will be gone.
The mountains I see being moved are the mountains of addiction, mental illness, hatred, prejudice, poverty, abuse, violence, insecurity, handicap, ignorance, divorce, the list is long indeed. ALMOST ALL OF US HAVE A MOUNTAIN IN OUR OWN LIFE THAT WE ARE TRYING TO MOVE.
All of us know someone who is working hard on their mountain removal. We try to help each other all we can but the fact remains that most of the shoveling must be done by the person whose mountain it is. We can help one another but it is only as we struggle and sweat over our own digging that we call out for help from above. It is then that our faith as well as our backs are strengthened.
I don’t know about you but I think that it takes much more faith to remove our mountains one shovel full at a time. The “poof, there it goes”, idea might be appealing but it would be to tempting to let the mountain grow again. The struggle to remove the mountain bit by bit gives us the calluses that remind us of the work we did and don’t want to do again.
That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
Friday, October 1, 2010
Technology
First, an apology to my faithful readers for no blog on Wednesday, my computer took off. Actually, it took 2 days off. It apparently went into some kind of stress overload. No matter what I tried the day to access, its reply was “insufficient resources”.
Then it got really scary for me- it would not shut off! I’m not kidding. I spent 20 minutes trying every way I could to shut it down. It wouldn’t do it! I finally had to pull the plug and wait for the battery to die. I rushed it over to my “computer emergency room” to be worked on. The doc never will found out what happened but he was able to bring it back to life. Yeah!!
Which brings me to today’s subject- technology. I was dragged kicking and screaming into the new age of technology! I was probably the last person on the planet to own a microwave or at least in the non 3rd world countries. My first cell phone came about 6 years ago. I’ve only upgraded to a new phone twice in that time. I added texting a few months ago. I’m still using a big fat TV which gets no channels because we don’t have a converter box and I refuse to get satellite.
Why? I’ve thought a lot about that. The last few days I remembered one of the reasons I resisted all of it for so long. Technology changes your lifestyle whether you want it to or not. You become dependent on it. After a while you forget how you used to do things without it.
For instance, having a microwave meant if you forgot to take something out for dinner it was no big deal. Pretty soon, you stop taking things out for dinner. Soon after that you stop planning for dinner at all. Now, the question “what’s for dinner?” can cause actual panic attacks. We used to have it covered.
Cell phones mean your kids can call you anytime at all! Going shopping used to be a quiet break from home. Now home just follows you along. Spouses and kids left at home used to have to think for themselves to solve any problems that came up. Now, you’re standing in the checkout line at Wal-Mart listening to the kids arguing on the other end about whose turn it is to pick the TV show. Next they are fighting about the phone. And there you stand helpless, stressed and pissed!
IPODS mean that you never have a quiet moment just to think and feel. No wonder many of us have sleep problems. Our brains are meant to have process time- if we don’t allow it during the day it will do it on its own during the night.
I didn’t realize how dependent I had become on my computer until it was gone. I headed for my office a number of times before I remembered it wasn’t there. I fought it for years but it happened in spite of my best effort. I am a technology addict!!! I’m not sure how I feel about that!
That’s the view from my side of the street today, what’s yours?
Then it got really scary for me- it would not shut off! I’m not kidding. I spent 20 minutes trying every way I could to shut it down. It wouldn’t do it! I finally had to pull the plug and wait for the battery to die. I rushed it over to my “computer emergency room” to be worked on. The doc never will found out what happened but he was able to bring it back to life. Yeah!!
Which brings me to today’s subject- technology. I was dragged kicking and screaming into the new age of technology! I was probably the last person on the planet to own a microwave or at least in the non 3rd world countries. My first cell phone came about 6 years ago. I’ve only upgraded to a new phone twice in that time. I added texting a few months ago. I’m still using a big fat TV which gets no channels because we don’t have a converter box and I refuse to get satellite.
Why? I’ve thought a lot about that. The last few days I remembered one of the reasons I resisted all of it for so long. Technology changes your lifestyle whether you want it to or not. You become dependent on it. After a while you forget how you used to do things without it.
For instance, having a microwave meant if you forgot to take something out for dinner it was no big deal. Pretty soon, you stop taking things out for dinner. Soon after that you stop planning for dinner at all. Now, the question “what’s for dinner?” can cause actual panic attacks. We used to have it covered.
Cell phones mean your kids can call you anytime at all! Going shopping used to be a quiet break from home. Now home just follows you along. Spouses and kids left at home used to have to think for themselves to solve any problems that came up. Now, you’re standing in the checkout line at Wal-Mart listening to the kids arguing on the other end about whose turn it is to pick the TV show. Next they are fighting about the phone. And there you stand helpless, stressed and pissed!
IPODS mean that you never have a quiet moment just to think and feel. No wonder many of us have sleep problems. Our brains are meant to have process time- if we don’t allow it during the day it will do it on its own during the night.
I didn’t realize how dependent I had become on my computer until it was gone. I headed for my office a number of times before I remembered it wasn’t there. I fought it for years but it happened in spite of my best effort. I am a technology addict!!! I’m not sure how I feel about that!
That’s the view from my side of the street today, what’s yours?
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