Election Day Choices

I heard a recitation of this poem many years ago. I recently researched it and was very surprised to find that it had been written by Joseph Malins in 1895! It is so apropos to today’s issues. You’ll see what I mean.


The Ambulance Down in the Valley-

“Twas a dangerous cliff, as they freely confessed, though to walk near its crest was so pleasant. But over its terrible edge there had slipped A duke and full many a peasant. So the people said something would have to be done, But their projects did not at all tally; Some said, “Put a fence ‘round the edge of the cliff,” Some, “An ambulance down in the valley.”

But the cry for the ambulance carried the day, For it spread through the neighboring city; A fence may be useful or not, it is true, But each heart became full of pity For those who slipped over the dangerous cliff; And the dwellers in highway and alley Gave pounds and gave pence, not to put up a fence, But an ambulance down in the valley.

“For the cliff is all right, if you’re careful,” they said, And, if folks even slip and are dropping, It isn’t the slipping that hurts them so much as the shock down below when they’re stopping.” So day after day, as these mishaps occurred, Quick forth would those rescuers sally To pick up the victims who fell from the cliff, With their ambulance down in the valley.

Then an old sage remarked, “It’s a marvel to me That people give far more attention To repairing results than to stopping the cause, When they’d much better aim at prevention. Let us stop at its source all this mischief,” cried he, “Come, neighbors and friends, let us rally; If the cliff we will fence, we might almost dispense With the ambulance down in the valley.”

“Oh, he’s a fanatic,” the others rejoined, “Dispense with the ambulance? Never! He’d dispense with all charities, too, is he could; No! No! We’ll support them forever. Aren’t we picking up folks just as fast as they fall? And shall this man dictate to us? Shall he? Why should people of sense stop to put up a fence, While the ambulance works in the valley?”

But the sensible few, who are practical too, Will not bear with such nonsense much longer; They believe that prevention is better than cure, And their party will soon be the stronger. Encourage them then, with your purse, voice, and pen, And while other philanthropists dally, They will scorn all pretense, and put up a stout fence On the cliff that hangs over the valley.

Better guide well the young than reclaim them when old, For the voice of true wisdom is calling. “To rescue the fallen is good, but ‘tis best To prevent other people from falling.” Better close up the source of temptation and crime Than deliver from dungeon or galley; Better put a strong fence ‘round the top of the cliff Than an ambulance down in the valley.

This election day, maybe more than any other, have choices that clearly delineate those who would put up a fence and those who want the ambulance down in the valley. Each vote can make a difference to what our future will look like. Search your heart, decide if you are a fence or ambulance person and vote accordingly. May the “force” be with you. That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?

D-I-V-O-R-C-E

D-I-V-O-R-C-E—remember the time when we used to spell it? It was a drastic measure, only to be used in times of abuse or addictions. It was a last hope measure to be used when all other efforts had been attempted. Marriage and family was a serious commitment.


I remember reading an interview that took place between a couple celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. The wife was asked if she had ever thought about divorce during those many years. She was shocked and replied, “Divorce? NO! Never!........murder a few times but never divorce!”

We seem to have the attitude today that marriage is like a store purchase. If we don’t like it, we can take it back. Maybe the fit is wrong or we don’t like that color anymore or it looked better hanging in the window than it did when we got it home.

The legalities of divorce are simple, fast and inexpensive lending to the illusion that it’s convenient and painless. We live in a time when millions are spent on lavish weddings. Attention is paid to every little detail…..nothing goes unnoticed. There are even people who make it their career to see that all goes well. I think that one detail is being overlooked- the importance of the wedding vows.

To vow is “to promise solemnly, esp. to God”. They are not just words spoken in a performance. The wedding vows are the most important promises we will ever make. I’ve read over numerous marriage vows. They differ in context but I have never found any of the following words:

I promise to love you as long as you always do what I want you to.

I promise to love you as long as you can keep me living in the style I want.

I promise to love you as long as you stay young, or attractive or fun or perfect.

An elderly couple at church recently received the devastating news that she had a fast acting disease. This couple had been together for decades rarely even spending the night apart. One Sunday, she became overwhelmed and needed to leave. As she was being helped out, I saw that she had become confused and lost. She simply reached her hand out as if searching for him. He immediately saw her need and placed his hand in hers. There are no words to describe the look of peace and safety that came upon her face. She couldn’t even see him but that didn’t matter, she knew he was there and she was fine. She knew because of a lifetime of his always being there.

Do I believe in divorce? Yes, I have been divorced. There are times when safety and other issues make it a necessary evil. But it should NEVER be taken lightly. It is devastating especially to children. It affects areas of your life in ways you can’t even imagine. If you are thinking about taking such an action, please think hard and long and carefully. It is my experience that divorce is rarely worth the cost.

That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?

Teenage Angst

A recent situation with a teenage daughter caused me a bit of thought. We were heading to a favorite store for some much needed summer clothes. I had my eleven year old, my thirteen year old and her friend, all girls. I gave very specific instructions to each girl-my youngest needed shirts, she had plenty of pants- her sister needed pants, she had plenty of tops, all clothes needed to be modest and as money was tight, I asked them to shop the 50% off section. I even allowed the friend some money for her shopping.


The friend stayed within the allotted budget. My youngest found a number of appropriate shirts on the discount rack. Her sister, however, disregarded every rule- she showed up with a handful of tops, full price, immodest, and one pair of skimpy tight shorts.

As I reissued the “rules” and nixed the choices, she became very angry and stormed off. Twenty minutes later she was back with more of the same. At this point, she broke into tears when I firmly said no. She began to rant and rave about my unfairness, reminding me yet again of all my failings as a parent. Well, you probably get the picture. She was the only one to walk out of the store empty handed.

As we drove home, I found myself once again pondering teenage angst. I confess that the insensibility of it confuses me. I had made the “rules” clear, (several times), how could she be mad at ME? SHE was the one that chose not to follow them. Why am I always the bad guy for sticking to and enforcing them?

Under my breath, I chanted my favorite teenage parent mantra for what was probably the 10,000th time, “Parents are the teething ring that teenagers cut their adult teeth on.” It didn’t help much as this particular teen was still chewing pretty hard from the back seat.

Suddenly, my mind saw the planet Earth with its population of “teenagers” all being pretty pissed off at God because we don’t want to follow the rules. And even more pissed off because there are consequences! We argue till we are blue in the face- it’s not fair….I don’t want to……you like her better than me…why me…stop telling me what to do….etc. etc.

But we have a loving parent who has made the rules clear. He has made the consequences clear. He has even made the perks clear. And yet we continue to berate his plan. We think we have a better idea or we just want what we want without any problems. Instead of following the laid out plan we make up our own as we go along……and then get furious when we walk out of the store with nothing.

I think we are blaming the wrong person. That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?

What goes around.......

In the Eastern part of the world it is called “Karma”. The Bible states that we “reap what we sow”. Others call it “what goes around comes around”. It is that interesting theory that somehow seems to make us all feel better when we see others get away with things that they shouldn’t. But is it just theory?


Those of us that have paid enough attention and have lived long enough to see the end results believe that it is truth. We’ve seen it happen time and time again. We’ve seen all kinds of criminals- from petty thieves to serial killers take that one step too many that end in their capture and prosecution. Heck, we’ve even seen OJ Simpson go to jail- finally!

Recently, I heard one of the best “come back to bite you in the butt” stories ever! There was this woman who had spent most of her adult life suing people and companies. This was her primary income!! She’d work for a short while, get hurt or abused or something and sue for retribution. She had it down to a science.

Apparently, the big one finally came! Her husband had the good sense to die at work! She sued and won loss of income benefits. Not being content with that, she decided to sue for emotional hardship. She went about doing things that proved that her husband’s death had left her unstable.

She did a great job. The judge agreed with her and awarded her the settlement. She got what she wanted! However….. the judge also decided that her instability left her unable to handle her finances. He appointed a guardian to dole out the money bit by bit as she needs it for the rest of her life!!

You gotta love it! I sure do! The only problem is she is so busy being furious that she can’t even learn the lesson. Oh, well, I love it when a plan comes together.

That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?

Change your words...Change the world

There is an inspirational video showing a blind man sitting on a blanket in a busy town square. Next to him is a sign that reads-“I am blind, please help!” He is mostly being ignored until a young woman stops, picks up his sign, flips it over and writes something. She walks away without a word.


Now, everyone who passes is tossing him coins. At the end of the day she returns. Identifying her by the feel of her shoes, he asks, “What did you do to my sign?” She bends down and places her hand on his shoulder, “Same message, different words.” She walks away.

The camera finally pans to the sign which now reads, “It’s a beautiful day and I can’t see it.” The video ends by saying, “Change your words- change the world.”

This is a principle that I strongly believe in. May I share some of my real life examples?

My daughters and I are going shopping. As soon as we get in the car one daughter says to her younger sister, “If you’re going to wear high water pants, at least roll them up to like capris!” Younger sister is crushed. I softly suggested that she could have said, “Those pants would be really cute if you rolled the legs up.” Change your words, change the world.

Parent teacher conferences this year showed that one of the girls was going to have bad grades in a few classes because of undone work. Her father and stepmother starting listing all the reasons it wasn’t their fault, (the girls live with them during the school year), it was hers. They also began to list the privileges she was about to lose. She’s eleven and she was so overwhelmed by the criticism that she began to crawl under the desk to escape it.

I gently drew her out and showed her all the high grades she was getting for the work she did do. I said, “Look, you are an A student!” The teacher jumped aboard and we told her how smart she was. We pointed out that the only reason for the bad grade was her forgetting to turn it in and suggested some ideas to help her remember. She left the room with her head held high and a resolution to be more responsible. Change your words, change the world.

The most powerful example of this principle involves my husband and his career choices. Before me, he was married to someone else for a long time. He is a truck driver and works long, hard, unpredictable hours. His ex spent years complaining about him never being home. Their three children grew up thinking that he didn’t care enough about them to stay home. They were told and believed that work was all that mattered to him. As adults they still complain about it.

Fast forward to us- I tell my children how hard he works to provide for us and how lucky we are that he cares so much for us. I point out on holidays and birthdays that he would much rather be with us but he is willing to make the sacrifice. We think of creative ways to include him in our day to day life. We stop to see him at work for a few minutes on the Fridays I pick them up from their dad’s. My daughters adore him and feel very loved by him. They have never complained about him never being around. Change your words, change the world.

If you don’t believe me, do your own experiment. For the rest of this week, bite your tongue before letting anything critical or hurtful come out. Take a minute to rephrase what you want to say into a more positive statement. I think that you will be amazed by the difference. Change your words, change the world. That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?

Stolen Apples?

I learned an interesting lesson about American employment the other day and I’m still a little rattled by it. We were doing our weekly shopping and errand run. The last stop was Wal-Mart for our groceries. We wandered rather deliberately in our usual circle around the store picking up this and that. I saw that there were new apples. Yeah! We both love crisp new apples. Some were in those cute paper totes and priced at .98c a pound. I showed my husband and we grabbed a bag.


I headed for the register lines while he went to the foyer to grab watermelon- a summertime staple in our house. While out there he ran into a friend and began talking. Unwilling to give up my hard earned place in line, I stayed put. When my turn came, the first thing the cashier rang up was the bag of apples. It rang up at .98c per bag not per pound! She thought that was funny and brought it to my attention. I assured her that she was right. The apples were priced per pound not per bag. She tried again. Same thing, the computer spit out the price of .98 cents per bag. She set them aside and called for her supervisor.

We both explained the problem to this harried young man. He only half listened. Then he rang them through himself and told us that the computer price was right. I got the 5lb bag of apples for .98cents. My husband was still talking in the foyer so I left the cart with him and headed for produce to check the sign. It read .98c per pound.

By this time, I’m having a struggle within myself- I wanted more .98c bags of apples but since I knew it was an error, wasn’t that like stealing? I told my husband (and his friend) the story. They both said to get more apples. So I did. Ten more bags for $10.00.

But here is where it got interesting. My conscious is very loud- it wouldn’t shut up. So I brought the problem to the attention of the produce worker, the bakery guy, another cashier (the lady in line behind me asked where they were and left the line to get some- no problem with her conscience!), and the door greeter. They all said basically the same thing, if the supervisor okayed it there was nothing they could do about it. Nothing.

Why couldn’t they do something about it? Was it because they didn’t think it was their problem? Or would they actually get in trouble for reporting it? Or did they just not care enough to bother? Whatever the reason I think it’s screwed up. The store lost money which will reflect on their paychecks. Losing money also reflects on future price tags. Keeping costs down should concern us all.

In the meantime, I have fifty pounds of apples……….that’s a lot of apple pies. I’d better get started on them. That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?

A Lesson in Futility.........

Four months ago I had to be tested at my husband’s workplace for cholesterol and other ailments. This was all part of the company’s push for good health. It is also part of their push to charge higher premiums for those at higher health risk.


I stopped at my doctors to get the same testing done on my way to the worksite testing. I needed to anyway but I was also checking on the accuracy of the workplace instant tests. The workplace cholesterol test was a little higher but both showed that I have shockingly high cholesterol.

My doctor broke down the numbers a little better. He compared my good and bad cholesterol levels. My bad was high but so was my good, as a matter of fact, the good was so high that it balanced out the bad. As he put it- my ratio looked good.

So he wasn’t too worried about it when I asked if he would give me three months to affect changes myself before placing me on medication. I went home, completely revamped my way of eating, doubled my exercise program, etc. etc.

My three months was up a few weeks ago. He was excited to tell me that I had managed to drop more than 30 points from my cholesterol!! Great job! But as we crunched the numbers that 30 points was dropped from my good cholesterol not from my bad. So in actuality, the ratio is worse than it was three months ago. I also gained 3 pounds- damn!!

I made the mistake of telling him that I was going home to shoot myself. He then spent over fifteen minutes trying to tell me that tests and scales don’t tell the whole story, that he thinks I’m very fit, that I have maintained my weight (give or take 5 pounds) for several years and that’s a good thing. He shared that most people can’t make the changes they need to and he has never seen someone shave off that many points before.

But it is impossible for a thirty- something buff young man to know how hopeless one feels when they have worked their butts off to find out that they haven’t changed a thing! It actually became worse…talk about futility!

I am continuing my exercise/ diet program because I do feel better. I have more energy, less pain, better digestion and happier disposition. But I now understand better why some people don’t change their ways. I mean, really, what’s the point?

And I keep telling myself that muscle weighs more than fat…that my body will adjust to the changes and I’ll wake up one day to see the weight just fall off…….that it was just water weight….that….anybody have any other illusions I can tell myself? I could really use them. That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?

Out of the Mouth of Babes

My two weeks in Texas are over. I return home tomorrow. While here I have missed family and friends at home. Now, I get to go home and miss my family here. A plight that many of today's moms and grandma's live with every day. 
Here are some of the lessons my grandchildren taught me during this visit:
1. I am now a fairly decent player of "Angry Birds" and "Chop, chop Ninja". New skills for my resume.
2. I haven't forgotten how to take care of toddlers. It's surprising how it just comes back to you.
3. I still have my "entertainment abilities". It's good to know that I can still be silly.
4. "When something seems bad, turn it around and make it something good". My four year old grandson sang this while a nurse drew blood for allergy tests.
5."I'm sorry" can be incredibly comforting. My two year old grandson said these words when I spilled something, when I couldn't find what I wanted at the store and when I slipped on the stairs.
6. The four year old missed his parents very much but he had learned that "grown ups come back". We reminded each other of this many times when his parents were gone for several days.
7. Comfort from others is great but we can also comfort ourselves. One of my grandsons was crying that heartbreaking, can't catch your breath kind of crying. As I showed him how to take deep breaths to calm down, he added this important bit of self talk, "I'm fine.....I'm fine......I'm fine."
8. Towers are taller when they have a wide base.
9. All the kids at the play park on friends even if we have never met them before.
10. Saying "I don't know how to do this" doesn't hold much salt. "I'll teach you, Grandma Cappy!!!"
I am sooo going to miss the uncomplicated, loving, forgiving world of young children when I get back home. Why can't we all be like them? That's the view from my side of the street, what's yours?

Love Will Find a Way........

I just finished reading the youth sci-fi book "A Wrinkle in Time". A young teen named Meg has been recruited along with other members of her family to fight against the evil darkness spreading through the universe taking over planets. This darkness is evil and at one point after barely escaping a darkened planet, she finds that she must go back to rescue her beloved baby brother. He has been taken over by an evil brain called IT.
When brought back to the planet she is given three advice. She was told to remember her faults, to know that she was loved and that she had something that IT did not have. Here is the scene I want to share, she has found her brother and IT:

"As long as I can stay angry enough IT can't get me. Is that what I have that IT doesn't?
"Nonsense," Charles Wallace said. "You have nothing that IT doesn't have."
"You're lying," she replied, and she felt only anger toward this boy who was not Charles Wallace at all. No, it was not anger, it was loathing; it was hatred, sheer and unadulterated, and as she became lost in hatred she also began to be lost in IT. The red miasma swam before her eyes; her stomach churned in IT's rhythm. Her body trembled with the strength of her hatred and the strength of IT.
With the last vestige of consciousness she jerked her mind and body. Hate was nothing that IT didn't have. IT knew all about hate.
" You are lying about that, and you were lying about Mrs. Whatsit!" she screamed.
"Mrs. Whatsit hates you," Charles Wallace said.
And that was where IT made it's fatal mistake, for as Meg said automatically," Mrs. Whatsit loves me; that's what she told me, that she loves me," suddenly she knew.
She knew!
Love.
That was what she had that IT did not have.
She had Mrs. Whatsit's love, and her father's, and her mother's and the twins', and Aunt Beast's.
And she had her love for them.
But how could she use it? What was she meant to do?
If she could give love to IT perhaps it would shrivel up and die, for she was sure that IT could not withstand love. But she, in all her weakness and foolishness and baseness and nothingness, was incapable of loving IT. Perhaps it was not too much to ask of her, but she could not do it.
But she could love Charles Wallace.
She could stand there and she could love Charles Wallace."
You can probably guess that she loved him hard enough to tear him away from IT's control and take him home.
Do you know someone who has succumbed to the darkness of an evil influence? Maybe they have a substance abuse issue or some other addiction problem. Perhaps you know someone stuck in a self-destructive behavior or with an untreated mental illness. It's possible that you know an abuse victim or even an abuser. Is there someone in your life that you see sliding deeper and deeper into despair and hopelessness?
Are you feeling the inadequacy and helplessness that often accompany the desire to help? You might even have passed into the angry stage that comes so naturally with frustration. O.K you are only human and nothing you have is strong enough to help them, right? Wrong!
You have love- the most powerful tool in the entire universe! You can love them! It doesn't always win quickly but it does always win. And it brings peace instead of anger or hatred to the person trying to utilize it.
The scriptures say, "Love suffereth long, and is kind; love envieth not; love vaunteth itself not, is not puffed up. Doth not behave itself unseemingly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; beareth all things, beliveth all things. hopeth all things, endureth all things."
The Judds used to sing, "Love will find a way between your heart and mine......." I believe....No. I know that this is true. Evil does not know love but we do and it will ALWAYS...ALWAYS find a way. That's the view from my side of the street, what's yours?

 

Men are like Microwaves........

Quite a long time ago I read a great article on sexual intimacy. It stated that in the intimacy department- men are like microwaves. They are standing ready to go at the press of a button. In other words, men don't need much to turn them on and be ready for sex. Like a microwave, they heat up quickly and get the job done fast.
Women, however, are like crockpots. They heat up slowly and simmer for awhile before the job is done. Women need more effort to arrive at the boiling point.The author shared that women simmer best when efforts are made by her man to heat her up all day. This is best done by thoughtful gestures, kind words and loving acts.
Contrary to what Hollywood would have us believe, sexuality is as important to our emotional as it is to our physical sense of well being. It is not called making love for nothing. It is the closest we can ever get to another human being. We are at our most vulnerable at this time. It is a time that can open hearts.
Women need to feel loved as well as wanted. Sorry to tell you this but if the only time you are touching your wife is this time it's not enough. If it's the only time she hears I love you, it's not enough. If it's the only time you really interact with her, it's not enough. The crockpot just isn't going to be hot.
I heard this story- a man went to his pastor to complain about his love life. The pastor knowing the man loved to fish used that. He asked if after fishing the man would go home and throw his gear in the corner of the garage to get tangled and twisted. No way was the reply. He would carefully put everything away- cleaned, dried, and tangle free for the next time. The pastor explained that loving his wife was the same. He would get back what he was willing to put in. Wise man!
Many men seem to think that we want something big, showy and expensive. Wrong! Most of us would treasure a hug, a whispered expression of love, a break from the kids, a compliment, a smile, a thank you, etc... Is that really too much to do to keep the pot simmering? If you don't believe me, try it for awhile. I think you'll be sold. That's the view from my side of the street, what's yours? 

It's All in Your Head

A number of years ago I was diagnosed with the condition known as fibromyalgia. Part of me was relieved- at least I now knew what was wrong. Part of me was pissed- it has been widely accepted that childhood trauma may have a contributing factor. It wasn't enough that I lived through it. It wasn't enough that I would always carry emotional scars. Now, I have to live with this too. Really!?
For those who don't know what fibromyalgia is, I will attempt to describe. On a good day, I feel like a giant toothache from top to bottom. On a bad day, I feel like a giant toothache with sharp stabbing pains in some localized places. On a very bad day, it's the giant toothache and the stabbing pains ALL over. Definitly it is not fun!
Here is what sets it apart from other pain conditions, i.e. arthritis, muscle aches, back problems, etc. Fibro is all in your head!! Seriously! In most conditions, part of the body hurts, then messages are sent to the brain signalling that something is not right. With fibro, the process is reversed. There is nothing wrong with your body but the brain sends pain warnings out anyway. This makes your body react as if there is danger- stop moving- it hurts!!!
I found out early on, that sitting on the couch doing nothing didn't hurt any less than being up doing things. Being active made the rest of me feel better so I try to stay active. I work hard at living with fibro- I exercise, eat right, drink lots of water and try to rest in between activities. I try to regulate the stress in my life. Keeping my life in a healthy balance has helped the most as does pain meds when I need them.
I do, however, have bad days. I have given myself permission to go very slow and easy on those days. It's part of the balance. I'm sharing because I keep running into people that have the same condition but live like invalids. One woman I met is 10 years younger than I. She takes an assortment of meds as well as medicinal marijuana. She has a daily caregiver. She is in bad shape.
Another woman I know has been bedridden for close to 8 years. She lives in the living room of her home on a hospital bed watching TV all day.
I have a friend who talks about her sister who has fibro but as I keep being reminded- "she has it alot worse than you". I love that, don't you? Just because I choose to live with fibro but not let it define me, I've got it easy.
So it's all in our head in another way. I think that with any chronic health issues our attitudes make the biggest difference of all. There's a line from The Shawshank Redemption that I think is appropriate- Red says, "You can get busy living or you can get busy dying!"
The dying is going to take place no matter what we do. But we can make the most of living regardless of any condition we might be afflicted with. It's our choice.
That's the view from my side of the street, what's yours?