I’m disgusted. I noticed the other day that one of the families who lost a loved one at the Indiana State Fair last month is preparing to sue. This sparked my interest and I began to check out the situation. My conclusion was if ever something fell into the “act of God” category, this incident was it!
Let me explain. Last month, the band Sugarland was getting ready to perform to a very packed audience at the Indiana State Fair. Just as they were about to go on stage, the sky darkened ominously and a wind gust of close to 70mph began to blow. Literally, within seconds, the entire staging area collapsed! This was not your average small town fair staging. This was huge, tall, pro’s on the road staging! The video is horrifying!
I realized as I watched that it was nothing short of a miracle that only 5 people were killed. Reading more about it I found that I was right. The only reason that the band and crew were not on stage at the time was a manager who listened to her promptings and held them back for a few minutes. They were in a prayer circle when it happened. There is no doubt that they all would have been killed had they been on stage as they were supposed to be.
It is heartwarming to watch the video and see so many rush to the collapse to help those caught underneath. Above the storm still rages, bolts of lightning flashing above their heads as they grab hold of the metal staging with apparently no fear for their own lives.
To win such a lawsuit, negligence must be proved. There is an allowance for the unforeseen “acts of God” as it is called. As I stated earlier, this is obviously one of those times. What a contrast between the “heroes” who helped and those who would wish to profit from such an unfortunate event.
Everyone handles grief differently. No one who was a personal witness to this calamity will ever forget it. It has been seared into their memory forever. Some will carry scars both physical and emotional for the rest of their lives. A lawsuit keeps those scars and memories alive and hurting. It will increase the pain and anger that grief brings. It does NOT bring healing.
And it is a lousy way to keep the memory of a loved one alive. That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
Friday, September 16, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
9/11 memories
My 9/11 memories are very similar to others. Shock, pain, sorrow, grief, anger and miracles are among them. For me, that day changed life as I had known it and catapulted me into an unexpected and unseen future. I, too, lost loved ones….. not to the fiery deaths of so many that day but to the evil and indifference that had caused those deaths.
The morning started as usual getting children ready for school. For some still unknown reason, one of them had turned on the television. It was not hooked up to anything but a VCR. We never received a channel. That day, however, the local FOX station was coming in clearly. I told someone to shut it off.
“Mom, you’ve got to come see this- we’ve been bombed!”??? I thought. I stepped into the living room just in time to witness the falling of the second tower. “Oh, dear God, help them!” I muttered. We watched for a few moments then I gathered my children together to pray for all those in New York. Then they headed off to school.
I watched a few more minutes before I woke my husband. “You have to come see this. We are at war!” He stumbled out, watched for about ten minutes, told me not to bother him again and headed back to bed. I realized that working 2nd shift was taking its toll but I could not believe his indifference to this monumentus event. That indifference did not change over that week or ever.
I spent the day in front of the TV, crying, praying, wondering, as did so many others. My children, too, had all had coverage on in their classrooms. We watched as flights were canceled. We watched as coverage included D.C and Pennsylvania. We watched for three days until the TV stopped receiving just as unexpectedly as it had begun.
I called my family all over the US. They called me. Late in the day, we finally made contact and reassured each other. My husband, at no time, showed interest in any of this. It was at that time I realized that the underlying feelings of disconnection I had been feeling for so long were real. He was no longer part of our family.
Within three months he left but not until he had dropped a few very destructive bombs of his own. One such bomb found me coming home with a carload of kids and groceries only to be met by two police officers. They informed me that I had fifteen supervised minutes to pack my things and leave the premises. Apparently, my husband had spent the day in court convincing a judge that I was a danger so he could get a restraining order against me!! There was no history, police or otherwise, and I was completely shocked that he was able to do this!
I threw some things in a Wal-Mart bag trying hard to think. My children were crying, screaming and one actually assaulted her dad. I gathered them in my arms for ten of the fifteen moments trying to assure them that everything was alright. We prayed and I left.
I had no where to go and no money to get there! Friends and family pitched in. This lasted for one week. He gave up when he realized that he couldn’t go to work AND take care of a houseful of hostile children including a devastated one year old. It went down hill from there and now, ten years later, the battle is still raging even though I have removed myself from it.
The events of 9/11 changed us as Americans. We felt vulnerable in ways we never had before. We also felt empowered- no one will ever do that again- we will not allow it! I have been through my own war, I, too, feel vulnerable but after all is said and done, I have been empowered, also. It will never happen again!
That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
The morning started as usual getting children ready for school. For some still unknown reason, one of them had turned on the television. It was not hooked up to anything but a VCR. We never received a channel. That day, however, the local FOX station was coming in clearly. I told someone to shut it off.
“Mom, you’ve got to come see this- we’ve been bombed!”??? I thought. I stepped into the living room just in time to witness the falling of the second tower. “Oh, dear God, help them!” I muttered. We watched for a few moments then I gathered my children together to pray for all those in New York. Then they headed off to school.
I watched a few more minutes before I woke my husband. “You have to come see this. We are at war!” He stumbled out, watched for about ten minutes, told me not to bother him again and headed back to bed. I realized that working 2nd shift was taking its toll but I could not believe his indifference to this monumentus event. That indifference did not change over that week or ever.
I spent the day in front of the TV, crying, praying, wondering, as did so many others. My children, too, had all had coverage on in their classrooms. We watched as flights were canceled. We watched as coverage included D.C and Pennsylvania. We watched for three days until the TV stopped receiving just as unexpectedly as it had begun.
I called my family all over the US. They called me. Late in the day, we finally made contact and reassured each other. My husband, at no time, showed interest in any of this. It was at that time I realized that the underlying feelings of disconnection I had been feeling for so long were real. He was no longer part of our family.
Within three months he left but not until he had dropped a few very destructive bombs of his own. One such bomb found me coming home with a carload of kids and groceries only to be met by two police officers. They informed me that I had fifteen supervised minutes to pack my things and leave the premises. Apparently, my husband had spent the day in court convincing a judge that I was a danger so he could get a restraining order against me!! There was no history, police or otherwise, and I was completely shocked that he was able to do this!
I threw some things in a Wal-Mart bag trying hard to think. My children were crying, screaming and one actually assaulted her dad. I gathered them in my arms for ten of the fifteen moments trying to assure them that everything was alright. We prayed and I left.
I had no where to go and no money to get there! Friends and family pitched in. This lasted for one week. He gave up when he realized that he couldn’t go to work AND take care of a houseful of hostile children including a devastated one year old. It went down hill from there and now, ten years later, the battle is still raging even though I have removed myself from it.
The events of 9/11 changed us as Americans. We felt vulnerable in ways we never had before. We also felt empowered- no one will ever do that again- we will not allow it! I have been through my own war, I, too, feel vulnerable but after all is said and done, I have been empowered, also. It will never happen again!
That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
Monday, September 12, 2011
Calm Down Pills
As many of you know, I am a transplant from the northeastern part of the United States. I now live in the West. One of the things that surprised me was the attitude towards health care. Maybe it was just the people that I knew back home but we as patients were very involved with our own health. We researched our symptoms before seeing a doctor. We researched our diagnosis and prescriptions after we had seen a doctor.
Each new doctor I see has the unpleasant task of learning that about me. I should say here that as I get older and the doctors get younger it gets a little easier. They seem to enjoy that I know what I’m talking about. By the way, I used to hate being thoroughly examined by a doctor who was the same age as my husband. It gets much harder when the doctor is the same age as your son!
This past year, I was suffering a multitude of symptoms. Because of my fibromyalgia and being of menopausal age, the blame was placed squarely on them. As symptoms worsened, I realized that more was going on. I began researching. I went to my next appointment with a list of symptoms and the diagnosis that fit- low thyroid activity. He was impressed, did the test and yes, my thyroid was whacky.
I share this as a preface to my next story. This was a time that I did not do the research! I was in the middle of some very heavy emotional stuff. It was coming at me in several directions. My doctor suggested a tiny pill called “Xanax”. He told me that it was a “calm down” pill given most often to people who are afraid of flying to help them through the flight. It sounded reasonable. At the time, I had never heard of it before.
I had a particularly hard court appearance to make. I was a wreck. I took a couple. During the procedure, my lawyer kept telling me to calm down. Okay, I thought, I must not have taken enough. I took another. I became more agitated. Each time my lawyer whispered, “Calm down!” I took another tiny white pill. By the time the procedure was over, I wasn’t sure who or where I was.
Have you ever seen the movie “Six Days and Nights”? The plane is flying through a storm and Anne Heche is taking pills. Those were the same pills! Remember how she was acting? YUP! My lawyer was furious, my husband confused and I stumbled to the car to pass out!
My next appointment I asked about the pills. I was told that they have the same effect as alcohol!! Thanks a lot!! This I should have known, don’t you think? More is definitely not better. And alcohol, when I drank it thirty-something years ago did NOT have a calming effect. Quite the opposite!!
I threw them away. Now, I understand that particular medicine is one of the hottest drugs on the street. I can see why! Lesson learned- NEVER put something in your body that you don’t know anything about!
That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
Each new doctor I see has the unpleasant task of learning that about me. I should say here that as I get older and the doctors get younger it gets a little easier. They seem to enjoy that I know what I’m talking about. By the way, I used to hate being thoroughly examined by a doctor who was the same age as my husband. It gets much harder when the doctor is the same age as your son!
This past year, I was suffering a multitude of symptoms. Because of my fibromyalgia and being of menopausal age, the blame was placed squarely on them. As symptoms worsened, I realized that more was going on. I began researching. I went to my next appointment with a list of symptoms and the diagnosis that fit- low thyroid activity. He was impressed, did the test and yes, my thyroid was whacky.
I share this as a preface to my next story. This was a time that I did not do the research! I was in the middle of some very heavy emotional stuff. It was coming at me in several directions. My doctor suggested a tiny pill called “Xanax”. He told me that it was a “calm down” pill given most often to people who are afraid of flying to help them through the flight. It sounded reasonable. At the time, I had never heard of it before.
I had a particularly hard court appearance to make. I was a wreck. I took a couple. During the procedure, my lawyer kept telling me to calm down. Okay, I thought, I must not have taken enough. I took another. I became more agitated. Each time my lawyer whispered, “Calm down!” I took another tiny white pill. By the time the procedure was over, I wasn’t sure who or where I was.
Have you ever seen the movie “Six Days and Nights”? The plane is flying through a storm and Anne Heche is taking pills. Those were the same pills! Remember how she was acting? YUP! My lawyer was furious, my husband confused and I stumbled to the car to pass out!
My next appointment I asked about the pills. I was told that they have the same effect as alcohol!! Thanks a lot!! This I should have known, don’t you think? More is definitely not better. And alcohol, when I drank it thirty-something years ago did NOT have a calming effect. Quite the opposite!!
I threw them away. Now, I understand that particular medicine is one of the hottest drugs on the street. I can see why! Lesson learned- NEVER put something in your body that you don’t know anything about!
That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
To moan or not to moan?
I am speaking up today for all those men, women and children in the world who try to make the best of a bad situation. Those of us who have embraced life with all its pitfalls and just DEAL! I’m sure that you are as sick as I am of the people who assume that whatever it is you are dealing with can’t be that bad because you are not whining, complaining, staying in bed, etc.
And maybe you are a little fed up with those around you who are NOT dealing so they get all the sympathy because they ARE whining, complaining, staying in bed, etc. We wouldn’t want to be like that for anything but wouldn’t it be nice to have your Herculean efforts noticed just once in awhile?
For instance, I have fibromyalgia. I have had it for years but it was diagnosed about 8 years ago. This means that on a good day, I feel like a giant toothache. On a bad day, I feel as if I had just run a marathon, my muscles burn. On a really bad day parts of my body refuse to work. It figures that much pain must be causing damage.
So far, there are no cures for fibro. I know that I will have to live with it for the rest of my life. I do not want it to have more control over my life than it already does so I have worked hard at controlling it. This has meant some lifestyle changes. I watch what I eat and drink. I exercise regularly. Since emotions and stress can greatly affect my pain level I have learned new coping skills.
I take pain medication sparingly because I know that our bodies become accustomed to them. Over time it takes more and more to have an effect. I force myself to be active at times. I also force myself to do nothing when recharging is needed. I have remained fairly active and most people don’t know I have this problem.
But I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard someone say about another with the same problem- “So and so has fibromyalgia too. She has it really bad!” This because they went to bed and stayed there when they were diagnosed!
Another case in point, my ex-husband during the labor of our 9th child, listening to a woman in the next room moaning and screaming- “What the hell is the matter with her?!!”
So this is to all you non- woosies in the world- I feel your pain-literally! I think there is a special blessing in Heaven for us, don’t you? That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
And maybe you are a little fed up with those around you who are NOT dealing so they get all the sympathy because they ARE whining, complaining, staying in bed, etc. We wouldn’t want to be like that for anything but wouldn’t it be nice to have your Herculean efforts noticed just once in awhile?
For instance, I have fibromyalgia. I have had it for years but it was diagnosed about 8 years ago. This means that on a good day, I feel like a giant toothache. On a bad day, I feel as if I had just run a marathon, my muscles burn. On a really bad day parts of my body refuse to work. It figures that much pain must be causing damage.
So far, there are no cures for fibro. I know that I will have to live with it for the rest of my life. I do not want it to have more control over my life than it already does so I have worked hard at controlling it. This has meant some lifestyle changes. I watch what I eat and drink. I exercise regularly. Since emotions and stress can greatly affect my pain level I have learned new coping skills.
I take pain medication sparingly because I know that our bodies become accustomed to them. Over time it takes more and more to have an effect. I force myself to be active at times. I also force myself to do nothing when recharging is needed. I have remained fairly active and most people don’t know I have this problem.
But I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard someone say about another with the same problem- “So and so has fibromyalgia too. She has it really bad!” This because they went to bed and stayed there when they were diagnosed!
Another case in point, my ex-husband during the labor of our 9th child, listening to a woman in the next room moaning and screaming- “What the hell is the matter with her?!!”
So this is to all you non- woosies in the world- I feel your pain-literally! I think there is a special blessing in Heaven for us, don’t you? That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
The weed of pornography
There is a weed growing in several of my flower beds. My husband calls it a Morning Glory but it is very different from the Morning Glories I remember back east. He told me to kill every bit I could find but I found this difficult to do. It is a vine plant, needs little attention and can be quite pretty. I preferred to call it a wild flower and let it do its thing.
As usual, my husband was right and I was wrong. This pretty little plant is a killer! It is not content to grow on the trellis’s I put up. It is not content to be ground cover in my bare spots. It is not content to stay in the container I placed it in. No, it is not content with anything short of choking out the life of every other living thing growing around it!
It is by far the sneakiest of plants. It sends it’s feelers under the ground until it finds living roots. It then comes out with the other plants own growth and winds itself around and around. The speed with which it can appear and destroy is scary. One day it is not evident. The next day finds it already entangled. Sometimes it is impossible to pull out without destroying the plant it has attached itself to.
We have a weed like this in our society today. It is called pornography. Its influence starts out small and seemingly harmless but it is not! Like the weed in my flower beds it spreads and spreads attaching itself to all areas of life until it chokes out the life of those who have become involved in it. Please listen to me- NO pornography is okay!!
I have watched families be destroyed by this weed including my own. I didn’t know what was happening. My family, my marriage, my spouse were all being choked by this life sucking weed. I saw the destruction but because the weed was spreading and growing under the surface I had no idea what the real causes were.
I was naïve about many things. The symptoms were all around me but I didn’t know the disease. It was only after the destruction was complete that it reared its ugly head and revealed itself. It has taken me several years to even understand it all and to finally recognize it for what it truly was.
A few years after my divorce, I was staying in a motel by myself. As I flipped thru the channels I was shocked to find an actual porn channel!! I had never seen anything stronger than Playboy. I watched for a few minutes- YUCCHH!! But thru the evening I flipped to it again and again for a few minutes to see if it was all the same. It basically was. It answered a lot of my questions about things I didn’t understand in my family especially the huge lack of respect for womanhood.
And I realized this- pornography is like a real loving sexual relationship the way that WWF wrestling is like the Olympics- in other words, IT’S NOT REAL!!!! It is fake and overacted and empty! If you base your relationship on what you learned from porn you are missing the whole boat!
Please…please…please..if you are letting this weed grow in your life, GET RID OF IT!! It will choke out everything that’s good in your self and in your life. Please believe me- I know!!
That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
As usual, my husband was right and I was wrong. This pretty little plant is a killer! It is not content to grow on the trellis’s I put up. It is not content to be ground cover in my bare spots. It is not content to stay in the container I placed it in. No, it is not content with anything short of choking out the life of every other living thing growing around it!
It is by far the sneakiest of plants. It sends it’s feelers under the ground until it finds living roots. It then comes out with the other plants own growth and winds itself around and around. The speed with which it can appear and destroy is scary. One day it is not evident. The next day finds it already entangled. Sometimes it is impossible to pull out without destroying the plant it has attached itself to.
We have a weed like this in our society today. It is called pornography. Its influence starts out small and seemingly harmless but it is not! Like the weed in my flower beds it spreads and spreads attaching itself to all areas of life until it chokes out the life of those who have become involved in it. Please listen to me- NO pornography is okay!!
I have watched families be destroyed by this weed including my own. I didn’t know what was happening. My family, my marriage, my spouse were all being choked by this life sucking weed. I saw the destruction but because the weed was spreading and growing under the surface I had no idea what the real causes were.
I was naïve about many things. The symptoms were all around me but I didn’t know the disease. It was only after the destruction was complete that it reared its ugly head and revealed itself. It has taken me several years to even understand it all and to finally recognize it for what it truly was.
A few years after my divorce, I was staying in a motel by myself. As I flipped thru the channels I was shocked to find an actual porn channel!! I had never seen anything stronger than Playboy. I watched for a few minutes- YUCCHH!! But thru the evening I flipped to it again and again for a few minutes to see if it was all the same. It basically was. It answered a lot of my questions about things I didn’t understand in my family especially the huge lack of respect for womanhood.
And I realized this- pornography is like a real loving sexual relationship the way that WWF wrestling is like the Olympics- in other words, IT’S NOT REAL!!!! It is fake and overacted and empty! If you base your relationship on what you learned from porn you are missing the whole boat!
Please…please…please..if you are letting this weed grow in your life, GET RID OF IT!! It will choke out everything that’s good in your self and in your life. Please believe me- I know!!
That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
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