Grief Work

I did a twelve hour road trip this past week. I listened to country radio stations the entire trip. This was a huge thing for me not because I don’t like country but because I do. Let me explain that a little.
About 4 and ½ years ago, my world disintegrated! It had been crumbling for a few years but in one day it blew apart scattering pieces everywhere. I was devastated. As if that wasn’t enough to deal with, the aftershocks continued for quite awhile. To be perfectly honest, they haven’t stopped yet. I don’t know if they ever will.
I think I cried every day for a year. The second year it might have been every other day. Most country songs made me sob. I couldn’t listen to them. Some hymns did the same thing. There were other types of music that were unbearable. I avoided public places because I would hear certain songs and fall apart.
It was about then that I gave up TV because I could no longer watch the shows I had before. Many of my favorite activities became unbearable. I couldn’t sing or dance, things I used to do while mopping floors or playing with my children.
This is all part of the grieving process and I realize that I am not unique. So many of us have had to bear grief so overwhelming that we aren’t sure we would ever feel anything but inner pain again. And that is why I am sharing this today because at some point it does stop hurting quite so bad.
You will breathe normal again. There will be moments when you aren’t thinking about it. You will once again be able to see the beauty all around you. You will be able to go on. You will realize one day that you haven’t cried for a week. That you actually smiled without forcing yourself too.
And you will be stronger for surviving! Remember that old saying, “That which does not kill us makes us stronger”! I have found that when the worst things you can think of happen, it really makes everything else seem so trivial, so bearable. You have become a survivor and no one can take that away from you.
Then one day, the sun is shining, the world looks wonderful and you catch yourself singing loudly to the country music station on the car radio as you bebop down the road. And it takes you a few minutes to recognize that peculiar feeling you have. Its happiness and boy, have you earned it, baby!
That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?