Choices

I was talking to a young man close to Valentine’s Day. He was thinking about popping the question to his girlfriend. He was uncertain about whether she was feeling the same way. He was really having a hard time making this important decision. He was afraid of being rejected but he was also afraid of regretting it if he didn’t do it. He asked for my advice.
That question and the answer I gave him sent me down a new self- discovery road. I have made a lot of decisions in my life that have not been understood by those around me. I’ve received criticism, insults, and all forms of derision for some of them. I’ve been admired by some and hated by others for choices I’ve made. I myself have wondered how I’ve been able to make choices that I know will be met with opposition by even those I love the most.
I have several friends that say I’m a “balls to the wall” type of person. I’m unsure of the exact origin of this reference but I have come to understand that they think I am fearless and don’t mind doing the hard things. This is appreciated by some- not so much by others.
It is also untrue. I’m just as afraid as anyone else but I decided a long time ago NOT to let fear run my life or influence my choices. I told this young man that when I was about his age I learned that ultimately I have to live with myself every day. I decided then that I didn’t want a bunch of “shoulda’s, coulda’s, maybe’s, or if only’s” cluttering my life. I told him that it is sometimes a difficult, lonely road but for me the road of regrets would be harder.
I shared that “it is better to have tried and failed than never to have tried at all” was somewhat a personal motto. I can deal with failure better than I can deal with regret. It is not an easy way to live but it is my comfort zone. This is a totally personal decision that each person has to make.
Just as I’ve not let others opinions rule me, I am trying to learn that their actions don’t need to either. People are who they are. Situations are what they are. Often, nothing I do is going to change that. It is what it is. I can, however, change how I react to anything.
For instance, a rude hand gesture can be met with a smile, unkindness can be met with kindness, disrespect can be met with respect. I DON”T have to treat others the way they treat me. I can treat them the way I wished they treated me. Sound familiar? It’s an age old concept and it works.
My sister has been on this journey with me and she puts it like this- “At the end of the day, it’s about being the kind of person you want to be, no matter what.” Yes, it is.
That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?