parenting101

Remember the day that you first found out that a baby was on the way? The excitement, the nervousness, the nausea- and I’m just talking about dad! Remember all those months of planning and waiting? You both worked for hours getting everything ready.


Then the big day is finally here. Contractions are progressing well- this is really it!! Let’s go! Much of labor is forgotten as that beautiful, amazing new person is placed in your arms. Waves of love and awe wash over you as you examine fingers, toes, and other tiny features. Everything is so perfect!!

Never in your wildest imagination could you believe that that incredibly sweet baby will in about 15 years be standing in your kitchen calling you names. It’s probably a good thing that babies DON’T come with warning tags. We might be very tempted to send them back!

We can never fully prepare for the moments when our offspring turn on us. We can think through all possible responses and yet at that moment go completely blank. Or worse overreact- you are grounded for life! We’ve all used that one.

Let me tell you about a few of these moments in my life. It was the day before Thanksgiving. My kitchen and myself were covered in flour as I helped everyone make their favorite pie (a family Thanksgiving tradition). I was tired, hot and my patience was close to being all used up. There were 18 pies cooling on the counters. Two of my sons started fighting. I ordered them to stop and fell right into the trap. “No, and you can’t make me.” was one son’s reply. He was the one that never did know when to shut up.

Too tired to sidestep the power play as I should have, I insisted that I could indeed stop him. I think I made a vague threat about his physical well being. He replied, “I’ll call the police if you touch me.”

I was in trouble now. The whole family was watching this, it being the first time that such a thing had happened! I looked at the rolling pin in my hand. Then I looked at the phone on the far kitchen wall. I looked back at my son and very slowly said, “Well, son, you’d have to get by me first and if you tried I’d have to flatten you.”

The rest of the family cracked up laughing and he realized that his room might be a good place to be for awhile.

My all time favorite, however, was pure inspiration given at the moment. My 16 yr old son and I were having our first big argument. He was very angry and he called me the B word (the one that means a female dog).

Without skipping a beat, I said, “You know what that makes you? Do you? Well, do you?” His face was blank and confused. “That makes you a son of a B….!”

He couldn’t help it. He started laughing. So did I. He never swore at me again. And he had a good story to tell his friends. See, pure inspiration!

That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?