This is not a pleasant topic to write about. It is not a pleasant topic to read about so I apologize right now. But I feel strongly that I must raise a warning voice. I just read some of the trial coverage for a NYC police officer who is being charged of conspiracy to kidnap, torture, kill and eat women. His defense team says that since all of his “planning” took place online with others like him, he was just “fantasying”.
That is bullshit! He went so far as to name real women. He looked them up, studied their work and living habits. He looked up drugs, tools, recipes, etc. He “spoke” in great detail about it to others online in particular, one person. He had a timeline planned out. That is way past fantasy. I have read some of his words. They are evil and dark with no respect for human life at all.
I believe that the only thing that stopped him was getting caught. His wife happened upon these sites. She read the plans of her own murder and those of others. She found out that he was spending hours on these sites. She took the computers, her one year old daughter and fled! She went to the FBI. What a courageous woman!
So here is the warning voice and trust me, this is from experience. The scriptures say that “as he thinketh in his heart so is he.” This is so true. I was married to a man with a “full” fantasy life. I watched first hand as he climbed the ladder down one rung at a time into the dark ugly abyss of spiritual and emotional death. In the almost two decades I was with him I watched him progress from one small fantasy desire to another until sex didn’t even look like sex anymore. And none of it had anything to do with love.
I participated in the beginning. I loved him. The little quirky things didn’t seem so bad. What’s the problem? The problem is it never stops with the little things. It is an insatiable appetite always clamoring for more. He too spent hours on the internet. The computer was removed from my home. It was only after I left that I found out he had hidden it in the garage to use whenever he wanted.
I put the brakes on in our bedroom. I gave him a list of what I was willing to participate in. It didn’t stop his trying, his persuasions, his “if you loved me’s.” Our bed became a battlefield. And then something happened that made me realize that I was not safe. I suddenly knew if he had the chance he would use me to fulfill his sick, degrading possibly dangerous fantasy. I left and ended the marriage.
So I am sharing my story and that of the policeman’s wife to any and all of you that might still think that it is possible for a person to spend hours in the sick twisted world of violent sexual fantasy and not become that kind of person. It is impossible!! So whether you are in that world yourself or know someone in that world, it is NOT okay! Do something to get out of it or away from the person who is involved in it. Get help- it is a draining addiction worse than alcohol or drugs. It will destroy you and those around you.
That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
That is bullshit! He went so far as to name real women. He looked them up, studied their work and living habits. He looked up drugs, tools, recipes, etc. He “spoke” in great detail about it to others online in particular, one person. He had a timeline planned out. That is way past fantasy. I have read some of his words. They are evil and dark with no respect for human life at all.
I believe that the only thing that stopped him was getting caught. His wife happened upon these sites. She read the plans of her own murder and those of others. She found out that he was spending hours on these sites. She took the computers, her one year old daughter and fled! She went to the FBI. What a courageous woman!
So here is the warning voice and trust me, this is from experience. The scriptures say that “as he thinketh in his heart so is he.” This is so true. I was married to a man with a “full” fantasy life. I watched first hand as he climbed the ladder down one rung at a time into the dark ugly abyss of spiritual and emotional death. In the almost two decades I was with him I watched him progress from one small fantasy desire to another until sex didn’t even look like sex anymore. And none of it had anything to do with love.
I participated in the beginning. I loved him. The little quirky things didn’t seem so bad. What’s the problem? The problem is it never stops with the little things. It is an insatiable appetite always clamoring for more. He too spent hours on the internet. The computer was removed from my home. It was only after I left that I found out he had hidden it in the garage to use whenever he wanted.
I put the brakes on in our bedroom. I gave him a list of what I was willing to participate in. It didn’t stop his trying, his persuasions, his “if you loved me’s.” Our bed became a battlefield. And then something happened that made me realize that I was not safe. I suddenly knew if he had the chance he would use me to fulfill his sick, degrading possibly dangerous fantasy. I left and ended the marriage.
So I am sharing my story and that of the policeman’s wife to any and all of you that might still think that it is possible for a person to spend hours in the sick twisted world of violent sexual fantasy and not become that kind of person. It is impossible!! So whether you are in that world yourself or know someone in that world, it is NOT okay! Do something to get out of it or away from the person who is involved in it. Get help- it is a draining addiction worse than alcohol or drugs. It will destroy you and those around you.
That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
Denial on the part of the addict is huge part of the problem. They never see any of it as wrong. After all, lots of other people do, right? I think much of their problem is that they don't want to deal with reality. Fantasy doesn't disappoint them or make them take responsibility for themselves.
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