PEACHES

Twenty-five years ago this past December my first husband died at work of a massive heart attack. It was as devastating as you would think it to be. We had just moved into a dream apartment. After a year or more of off and on jobs with his newly acquired electrician’s license he had found a steady job he liked. We had a three year old who was the center of our lives. It was the happiest time of our 9 yr. marriage.
We didn’t have cell phones or instant messaging in those days. I had spent the day out with a friend. Upon my return home I was met by a police officer. He told me that I was needed at the hospital. I left my son with a friend and rushed to the hospital.
I waited for what seemed like forever for the doctor to be free to talk to me. He took me behind a glass wall in full view of the entire emergency room. He broke the news. I asked to see my husband. I will never forget his reply- “Sure, I’ll call the morgue and have him sent up”. That hit like a ton of bricks!
I was led to a room. From the doorway I saw them unzip the bag that held the body that had been my husband, lover and friend. I knew that body better than I knew my own. I stood in the hallway unable to go in.
I felt as if the chalkboard that had the rest of my life’s plans on it was completely erased. What we were going to have for dinner that night to our plans for the weekend to our next vacation to 5 or 10 or 20 years away all revolved around an us not a me. Staring at that blank chalkboard in my mind was overwhelming and terrifying!
But here is the hardest part of it, not only did I not get to tell him good-bye, my last words to him had been angry words over the stupidest thing in the world- a can of peaches!
He was an extremely picky eater. I resented the hardship that caused. He would not eat fresh fruit but he did eat canned peaches. They were expensive and we were on a tight budget. I had just bought 3 cases of large dented canned peaches. I had hoped that they would last awhile. The night before he died, I had noticed that he had eaten an entire can by himself. I was sooo irritated! I laid into him about his selfishness and irresponsibility and probably anything else I could think of at the moment.
We went to bed angry. It was the last conversation we ever had. It took me a very long time to forgive myself. It was a hard way to learn a lesson. I have tried hard over the years to remember it.
However, a recent change in my husband’s diet has him eating canned peaches every night. He only likes one particular brand. They are expensive and we are on a budget. Recently, I found myself staring at canned peaches in the grocery aisle. I found myself getting a little pissy again. But luckily, I remembered!! I even started laughing at my self as I said, “Kathy, REALLY? PEACHES? Let it go.” I did.
That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?