Pantyhose

I bought new panty hose last week. This was a big deal because I only wear it for a few hours on Sundays. I haven’t had to buy new for years. The presence of my husband hurried me thru the process of making a choice. I read the boxes carefully but there were so many variables- size, color, toe guard, no toe guard, control top, etc.
I finally settled on one of the boxes and that was that. Sunday morning arrived and I confidently pulled my new stockings from the drawer. I unrolled a pair and began to put them on. This is not always an easy task but this particular morning I struggled more than usual. The elastic in these babies could have been used for a sling shot.
I huffed and I puffed as I worked at stuffing my fat legs into them. No, that’s not accurate. I was not stuffing my legs into them. I was trying to stretch the hose as I struggled to unroll them. When I finally completed the task I felt like someone had wrapped my legs and buttocks with ace bandages.
My husband was thoroughly amused by my situation. I did a Frankenstein walk to the box these things had come out of. I knew what was wrong the minute I looked. Instead of buying the much more comfortable control top stockings which I had intended to purchase, I had bought “support hose”!
For those who aren’t familiar with that type of panty hose, let me introduce you. They are see through elastic bandages usually used by old ladies with varicose veins. If you’ve ever had a surgery, this type of leg wear was placed on your legs to prevent blood clots.
Decades ago, when I worked in nursing homes, the job of putting someone’s support hose on was one to be avoided at all costs. Flashbacks of such incidents flooded my brain. I remember one large older woman who had to wear them everyday. It took thirty minutes to complete the task. And I now owned three pair!
There is a plus side though. It takes a chainsaw to put a run in these things. They might very well be the last pairs of stockings I ever buy. And the struggle to put them on each week should count towards my cardio workouts!
That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?