A Good Wife

A few weekends ago, close to bedtime, my 12 yr. old daughter was standing in the kitchen jabbering away about some kids at school and other things on her mind. I was cleaning the kitchen. I was also making dinner for my husband who would be getting home from work at 3 am. I have a small crockpot that I use to keep his food warm in.


She stopped talking for a few moments. She was watching me. She asked if that was Brent’s dinner. I replied that it was. Again, she paused for a moment. I could tell she was thinking hard about something. “You’re a good wife, Mom.” I thanked her and told her that I have always tried to be. She ran off to get ready for bed.

A few days later, my husband shared the following story with me- one of the young women at work was complaining about the woman her dad is married to. The dad works with Brent and is somewhat a friend. One of the things she complained about was that his wife refused to get a job and sat around doing nothing all day. My husband said with a grin that his wife stays home while he works. Her reply was, “Yeah but from everything I hear she’s a good wife. She takes good care of you.” He agreed and the conversation ended.

These two incidents have me thinking about what makes a “good” wife. The truth is that definition would change with each husband that you ask but a generic version might be “a woman who takes care of her husbands needs”.

Now, if you are man or if the woman libber in you is howling, let me share that this, isn’t that the quickie definition of marriage? Don’t we women also want a man who will fill our needs? My personal feeling is that we have lost sight of that simple concept. Relationships have changed focus from the filling of each other’s needs to the making sure “my” needs get filled. It doesn’t work quite the same way.

I am in a very traditional marriage. My husband works and I keep the home fire burning (literally). He works long hard inconsistent hours. He works, eats and sleeps and does some of the heavy stuff I can’t do. I keep the woodstove, the animals and my man fed. I clean the house, pay the bills, and do the laundry. I mow and water the yard, weed the flowerbeds and put out the trash.

I bake cookies, pies and cakes all year round. My husband LOVES his piece of pie or cake everyday. And since his time at home is so limited I try to make sure that when he is home it’s all about him. I have decided that no greater love hath a wife than that she will watch Chuck Norris movies with her beloved. I have learned to limit my honey do lists to one or two things on his one day off. And I let him choose when he will do them because he really likes to do his own list in his rare free time. He gets so much done when I leave him alone that I have learned to go with it.

In return, I have a happy husband who thanks God in our daily prayers for a peaceful, loving home. He brags to others about me. He loves being home when he can be and has no desire to be elsewhere. We are both learning to trust and be open with one another. That’s a long row to hoe due to past relationship damage but we are making progress.

And we are finally teaching our children that real love doesn’t have to be about conflict and anger. It is about small thoughtful things like leaving a hot dinner or a love note or a kiss hello or goodbye. It is about respect, trust and caring. It is about taking care of one another. There’s nothing wrong with that. That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?