I just ran into someone I had not seen for about 10 years. She called me by name. I turned my head obviously confused. “You don’t recognize me, do you?” she remarked. Shaking my head slightly, I replied, “Help me out a little?” She told me her name and I began to piece the puzzle together. She had been a neighbor in the little trailer park I stayed in for a few months after my divorce.
She was drunk and threatening to shoot me the last time we spoke so I was surprised at her acting as if we were long lost BFF’s. I was also taken aback by her appearance. She had gained about a hundred pounds and was getting around in a motorized wheelchair. We spoke about her family. She told me that she now lives in an assisted living facility nearby.
As we chatted I thought back to when I knew her. She was in her early fifties then and had just gone through a hurtful divorce. She had moved in with her twenty- something daughter for awhile “just till she got back on her feet”. She had a 12 year old grandson and a 4 year old granddaughter. She was addicted to pain pills, cigarettes and TV. She rarely came out of her room or got out of bed.
Her daughter was in similar circumstances. I had befriended them in the only ways I knew how. I semi adopted the children including them in family activities. I took the women out to get their hair done. I gave them rides, took them shopping, cleaned and organized their house. I tried to make it a home for them with yard sale finds. I took them to church and hooked them up with the local food bank.
But I was still very naïve. I didn’t know then that some people live that way because they want to. She did not want to deal with her hurt or change her life or be anything that took an effort. She had crawled into a bottle of pills and had no desire to come out. She was relatively healthy, intelligent and attractive. She could have started her life over but she really didn’t want to.
We had a falling out over some imagined hurt and I moved my family across town. As we talked I realized some important things that had not occurred to me before. First, that could have been me! I hadn’t thought during the time about the fact that our stories were similar. The only difference being I refused to give up on life without a fight. And the fighting is what brought me safely through to the other side.
The second thing that struck me was that she had received exactly what she had wanted. She had become an invalid for real. Here she was in her early 60’s unable to take care of herself, living in her wheelchair and being looked after.
The third thing was obvious. She was still miserable! She didn’t like where she was. She didn’t like being poor. She didn’t like being lonely. She really didn’t like anything. She hadn’t changed a bit inside. There is a line from an old Eagles song that I think covers it well- “We are locked in prisons of our own design and never even know we have the key.”
There are so many of us that have locked ourselves in prisons of our own design. You may be in the prison of addiction or misery or fear or anger or resentment or hate or something only you know. But all these prisons have keys. And those keys are inside you.Now is a good time to search for them, don’t you think? Sometimes you are the only one who can unlock those doors.That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
She was drunk and threatening to shoot me the last time we spoke so I was surprised at her acting as if we were long lost BFF’s. I was also taken aback by her appearance. She had gained about a hundred pounds and was getting around in a motorized wheelchair. We spoke about her family. She told me that she now lives in an assisted living facility nearby.
As we chatted I thought back to when I knew her. She was in her early fifties then and had just gone through a hurtful divorce. She had moved in with her twenty- something daughter for awhile “just till she got back on her feet”. She had a 12 year old grandson and a 4 year old granddaughter. She was addicted to pain pills, cigarettes and TV. She rarely came out of her room or got out of bed.
Her daughter was in similar circumstances. I had befriended them in the only ways I knew how. I semi adopted the children including them in family activities. I took the women out to get their hair done. I gave them rides, took them shopping, cleaned and organized their house. I tried to make it a home for them with yard sale finds. I took them to church and hooked them up with the local food bank.
But I was still very naïve. I didn’t know then that some people live that way because they want to. She did not want to deal with her hurt or change her life or be anything that took an effort. She had crawled into a bottle of pills and had no desire to come out. She was relatively healthy, intelligent and attractive. She could have started her life over but she really didn’t want to.
We had a falling out over some imagined hurt and I moved my family across town. As we talked I realized some important things that had not occurred to me before. First, that could have been me! I hadn’t thought during the time about the fact that our stories were similar. The only difference being I refused to give up on life without a fight. And the fighting is what brought me safely through to the other side.
The second thing that struck me was that she had received exactly what she had wanted. She had become an invalid for real. Here she was in her early 60’s unable to take care of herself, living in her wheelchair and being looked after.
The third thing was obvious. She was still miserable! She didn’t like where she was. She didn’t like being poor. She didn’t like being lonely. She really didn’t like anything. She hadn’t changed a bit inside. There is a line from an old Eagles song that I think covers it well- “We are locked in prisons of our own design and never even know we have the key.”
There are so many of us that have locked ourselves in prisons of our own design. You may be in the prison of addiction or misery or fear or anger or resentment or hate or something only you know. But all these prisons have keys. And those keys are inside you.Now is a good time to search for them, don’t you think? Sometimes you are the only one who can unlock those doors.That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
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