I’m a pretty content person most of the time. I have accepted the life lessons that have come my way and tried to make the most of them but every once in awhile I get a terrible case of “life envy”. I never know when it is going to rear up its ugly head and roar at me. It’s usually when I least expect it, of course. So I am always ill prepared when it does.
I had such an attack not too long ago when my husband decided it was time to visit a close childhood friend. We had not been to see them since they had started a new business and bought a farm. It was a beautiful sunny day, my “Les Miserables” CD had just come, I got to drive so Brent could sleep (which means I got to choose the music), and all seemed right in the world. It was a good trip.
It was great seeing them and all the changes they had been making in their lives. Their business had grown to the point that they could employ their now adult children. The old farm was fantastic! It had lots of big old barns and a big drafty farmhouse. We loved it!!
They were doing daycare for several sets of grandchildren just until some housing was finished. The house was chaotic, happy and loud. It was also very messy and cluttered. I won’t say the “h” word (hoarders) but we did have to turn sideways to walk through most of the rooms. The wife is into scrapbooking in a big way. She had thousands of dollars worth of scrapbooking stuff set up. It looked like a shop but we couldn’t actually get into the craft room.
As she and I toured the house, she complained unceasingly about watching the grandchildren, their parents in and out all the time, and pretty much everything else. I watched and listened while my heart was screaming………”you are so lucky, I haven’t seen or spoken to some of my children in years, I have grandchildren I’ll never see, I long for the noise and chaos you have to break up my quiet lonely days”. My mouth and face tried to be understanding because I really do know that these things felt like burdens to her but I removed myself as quickly as possible just in case my heart blurted out something hurtful.
They invited us to stay for a family dinner which was quite a gathering but that was more than I could do. The condition of the house, specifically the kitchen, was more than my husband could do. So we were off. He went to sleep almost immediately. It was then that I was hit with a bad case of “life envy”.
I began blubbering and whispered my complaints to God……..”Why? She doesn’t even appreciate any of it. I would take good care of my own house…..I’ve never owned a home, I would make it beautiful and keep it clean…..I would love having grandchildren everyday, we’d have so much fun, we’d do things together, I wouldn’t just plop them in front of a TV………oh, to have my children and their families just drop by and everyone make dinner together…what fun…..to have my husband working at home…..her life is what I wanted my life to be and she hates it.”
There’s the rub…I have come to realize that people having things I don’t have doesn’t bother me in the least. It never has. I have good friends that have a lot in the way of material comforts. I never think twice about it. It is the having and not appreciating that gets to me. I know that we all have our own lessons to learn. I know that God loves each of us enough to give us what we need to learn those lessons. I am very grateful for what I do have and rarely concern myself with what I don’t.
But as I said…every once in awhile…an attack of “life envy” hits and blindsides me because I’m not expecting it. I think it is part of the grieving process so I cry it out, do my complaining and ask for Heavenly Intervention to help me over the hump. And then I begin to list all the things I’m grateful for. I’ve yet to reach the end of that list. I don’t think I ever will. That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
I had such an attack not too long ago when my husband decided it was time to visit a close childhood friend. We had not been to see them since they had started a new business and bought a farm. It was a beautiful sunny day, my “Les Miserables” CD had just come, I got to drive so Brent could sleep (which means I got to choose the music), and all seemed right in the world. It was a good trip.
It was great seeing them and all the changes they had been making in their lives. Their business had grown to the point that they could employ their now adult children. The old farm was fantastic! It had lots of big old barns and a big drafty farmhouse. We loved it!!
They were doing daycare for several sets of grandchildren just until some housing was finished. The house was chaotic, happy and loud. It was also very messy and cluttered. I won’t say the “h” word (hoarders) but we did have to turn sideways to walk through most of the rooms. The wife is into scrapbooking in a big way. She had thousands of dollars worth of scrapbooking stuff set up. It looked like a shop but we couldn’t actually get into the craft room.
As she and I toured the house, she complained unceasingly about watching the grandchildren, their parents in and out all the time, and pretty much everything else. I watched and listened while my heart was screaming………”you are so lucky, I haven’t seen or spoken to some of my children in years, I have grandchildren I’ll never see, I long for the noise and chaos you have to break up my quiet lonely days”. My mouth and face tried to be understanding because I really do know that these things felt like burdens to her but I removed myself as quickly as possible just in case my heart blurted out something hurtful.
They invited us to stay for a family dinner which was quite a gathering but that was more than I could do. The condition of the house, specifically the kitchen, was more than my husband could do. So we were off. He went to sleep almost immediately. It was then that I was hit with a bad case of “life envy”.
I began blubbering and whispered my complaints to God……..”Why? She doesn’t even appreciate any of it. I would take good care of my own house…..I’ve never owned a home, I would make it beautiful and keep it clean…..I would love having grandchildren everyday, we’d have so much fun, we’d do things together, I wouldn’t just plop them in front of a TV………oh, to have my children and their families just drop by and everyone make dinner together…what fun…..to have my husband working at home…..her life is what I wanted my life to be and she hates it.”
There’s the rub…I have come to realize that people having things I don’t have doesn’t bother me in the least. It never has. I have good friends that have a lot in the way of material comforts. I never think twice about it. It is the having and not appreciating that gets to me. I know that we all have our own lessons to learn. I know that God loves each of us enough to give us what we need to learn those lessons. I am very grateful for what I do have and rarely concern myself with what I don’t.
But as I said…every once in awhile…an attack of “life envy” hits and blindsides me because I’m not expecting it. I think it is part of the grieving process so I cry it out, do my complaining and ask for Heavenly Intervention to help me over the hump. And then I begin to list all the things I’m grateful for. I’ve yet to reach the end of that list. I don’t think I ever will. That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
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