Just over three years ago I did the unthinkable. I gave up custody of my children. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. We had been going through an ugly, prolonged custody battle that was decimating what little was left of my family. My youngest children were being torn apart. I felt as if we were cutting the babies in half. There was no sign of it ending anytime soon. I did the only thing I could. I gave up and stopped it.
I will not attempt to describe the pain that living with such a choice has brought. I will tell you that eventually I learned to breathe again although there are still times I forget. It is said that time heals all wounds. Not so. A broken heart, empty arms and lost moments last forever.
This past Sunday, a very dear friend lost her eldest son unexpectedly and tragically. Once again I was reminded of how quickly life can change. And of how deeply a mother’s heart can be cut to pieces.
But would we have it any other way? And can it truly be any other way? If we open ourselves to love deeply, we are also opening ourselves to the possibility of great pain. Shakespeare said, “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” I agreed with this when I was twelve. I still do even after having been put to the test.
Another much beloved passage comes from Kahlil Gibran’s, “The Prophet”. It is an excerpt from the section entitled, On Joy and Sorrow – “The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain…………….When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful, look again into your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. Some of you say, “Joy is greater than sorrow,” and others say, “Nay, sorrow is the greater.” But I say unto you, they are inseparable. Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.”
It is almost impossible to live past forty and not have had some life changing loss. It is said that which does not kill us makes us stronger. This is true only if you let it be. Loss can help our hearts and souls grow larger if we allow it to. We can ride out the wave of pain, reaching out to others for love and support. We can turn to God and ask for His strong arms to carry us.
Or we can became small, hard, and bitter. We can close ourselves off to both our fellowmen and God. This course leads to hate and revenge rather than compassion and understanding. Sh*t happens. What we do about it is up to us. That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
I will not attempt to describe the pain that living with such a choice has brought. I will tell you that eventually I learned to breathe again although there are still times I forget. It is said that time heals all wounds. Not so. A broken heart, empty arms and lost moments last forever.
This past Sunday, a very dear friend lost her eldest son unexpectedly and tragically. Once again I was reminded of how quickly life can change. And of how deeply a mother’s heart can be cut to pieces.
But would we have it any other way? And can it truly be any other way? If we open ourselves to love deeply, we are also opening ourselves to the possibility of great pain. Shakespeare said, “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” I agreed with this when I was twelve. I still do even after having been put to the test.
Another much beloved passage comes from Kahlil Gibran’s, “The Prophet”. It is an excerpt from the section entitled, On Joy and Sorrow – “The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain…………….When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful, look again into your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. Some of you say, “Joy is greater than sorrow,” and others say, “Nay, sorrow is the greater.” But I say unto you, they are inseparable. Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.”
It is almost impossible to live past forty and not have had some life changing loss. It is said that which does not kill us makes us stronger. This is true only if you let it be. Loss can help our hearts and souls grow larger if we allow it to. We can ride out the wave of pain, reaching out to others for love and support. We can turn to God and ask for His strong arms to carry us.
Or we can became small, hard, and bitter. We can close ourselves off to both our fellowmen and God. This course leads to hate and revenge rather than compassion and understanding. Sh*t happens. What we do about it is up to us. That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
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