I am suicidal. I’m writing this blog in hopes that some will gain a better understanding of the suicidal mind. The rate of suicides is higher than ever before especially among those under eighteen. It is an act that leaves so many asking why or what could I have done? I hope that sharing my experiences might lift those who suffer whether as a victim or as one left holding the pieces.
I am not actively suicidal. I am not planning it or writing my farewell notes or thinking about it constantly. I am under a doctor’s care and take daily medication to fend off depression. You could say I’m on the wagon. A little known fact about suicide is that once you have actually let the idea in long enough to seriously plan for it, you have opened a door that you may never be able to close. Just as a recovering alcoholic or drug addict must always fight to stay sober especially during the dark, difficult days so will suicide remain open as a solution or way out of whatever it is overwhelming you at the time.
I have learned to be aware of the signs that I might be heading for the sinkhole. I have learned to keep my life as balanced as possible. I have employed certain coping techniques that keep me safe. But mostly I have learned to ask for help. I have tried to keep safe people around me and to reach out to them when I need to.
This is huge because for a long time I felt (as many others do) that I was being weak when I felt this way. I shouldn’t burden others with my problems. I was the strong caretaker person- I didn’t need help…I just had to shake it off….stop being so pathetic……positive thinking would help……… There are so many reasons we don’t ask for help when we need it. It takes real strength to admit you need help and to seek it.
It is more than emotional pain that puts us in that dark place. It is the soul crushing sense of aloneness that takes most of us over the edge. I have studied a variety of theories. I have talked to professionals, families and the suicidal themselves. My conclusion is that we have broken love receivers. We experience our loving feelings for others but we are unable to feel their love for us.
When someone tells us they love us, we feel nothing. Our minds can take it in and try to tell us they mean it but our hearts feels nothing. We don’t know what the feeling of being loved is. That feeling is non existent for us. And so we always feel alone and isolated within ourselves, no matter how hard others are sending the love signals because our receivers are just not receiving them.
If you have times of despair and think the world would be better of without you or you are so tired of hurting that making it just stop is all you can think about, tell someone. It’s okay to say “I hurt, can you help me?” And please believe me when I say it will get better if you give it time. I promise you that!
If someone you know is reaching out- reach back- please don’t judge- you may never truly understand- you don’t have to. You only need to know that these feelings are very real to the person sharing them. And sometimes whatever you do it will not be enough to stop them. It’s not your fault!
Suicide is today’s epidemic- we are only as strong as the weakest among us. Can’t we stop the needless tragedy of so many lost lives? That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
I am not actively suicidal. I am not planning it or writing my farewell notes or thinking about it constantly. I am under a doctor’s care and take daily medication to fend off depression. You could say I’m on the wagon. A little known fact about suicide is that once you have actually let the idea in long enough to seriously plan for it, you have opened a door that you may never be able to close. Just as a recovering alcoholic or drug addict must always fight to stay sober especially during the dark, difficult days so will suicide remain open as a solution or way out of whatever it is overwhelming you at the time.
I have learned to be aware of the signs that I might be heading for the sinkhole. I have learned to keep my life as balanced as possible. I have employed certain coping techniques that keep me safe. But mostly I have learned to ask for help. I have tried to keep safe people around me and to reach out to them when I need to.
This is huge because for a long time I felt (as many others do) that I was being weak when I felt this way. I shouldn’t burden others with my problems. I was the strong caretaker person- I didn’t need help…I just had to shake it off….stop being so pathetic……positive thinking would help……… There are so many reasons we don’t ask for help when we need it. It takes real strength to admit you need help and to seek it.
It is more than emotional pain that puts us in that dark place. It is the soul crushing sense of aloneness that takes most of us over the edge. I have studied a variety of theories. I have talked to professionals, families and the suicidal themselves. My conclusion is that we have broken love receivers. We experience our loving feelings for others but we are unable to feel their love for us.
When someone tells us they love us, we feel nothing. Our minds can take it in and try to tell us they mean it but our hearts feels nothing. We don’t know what the feeling of being loved is. That feeling is non existent for us. And so we always feel alone and isolated within ourselves, no matter how hard others are sending the love signals because our receivers are just not receiving them.
If you have times of despair and think the world would be better of without you or you are so tired of hurting that making it just stop is all you can think about, tell someone. It’s okay to say “I hurt, can you help me?” And please believe me when I say it will get better if you give it time. I promise you that!
If someone you know is reaching out- reach back- please don’t judge- you may never truly understand- you don’t have to. You only need to know that these feelings are very real to the person sharing them. And sometimes whatever you do it will not be enough to stop them. It’s not your fault!
Suicide is today’s epidemic- we are only as strong as the weakest among us. Can’t we stop the needless tragedy of so many lost lives? That’s the view from my side of the street, what’s yours?
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